Damn Chris Martin! He’s (temporarily) neutralized my Gwyneth Paltrow incest jokes with a single blow. Chris’ band Coldplay is doing a nice thing, and even though I’d rather have a grubby toddler who just ate a tuna fish sandwich whisper jokes in my ear on a hot day than attend a Coldplay concert, I have to give credit where it’s due. According to CNN, Coldplay will be taking a break from touring (please hold your applause, that’s not the mitzvah) in order to find a way to make it more environmentally friendly (you may now clap. Or roll your eyes. Or shit your pants, I’m not the boss of you!).
Chris made the announcement from Amman, Jordan where the band was doing their level best to bring about world peace, one white man playing a mijwiz at a time.
Ahead of the launch of its new album, “Everyday Life,” Martin said the group wants to take time over the next year or two to consider how future tours can be “sustainable” and also “actively beneficial.”
“How can we harness the resources that our tour creates and make it have a positive impact?” Martin told the BBC.
Speaking from the Jordanian capital Amman, Martin said: “All of us, in every industry, have to just work out what the best way of doing our job is.”
Chris says that he’d love to “have a show with no single-use plastic and for it to be largely solar-powered”, but admits that the biggest challenge is “the flying side of things.” If you’ve ever seen a Coldplay show, I’m sorry. Was it as big and elaborate as that Indian inspired halftime show they put on at the Beyoncé Bowl? If so, they’ve got a long row to hoe. Coldplay doesn’t travel light. They probably have to have an entire plane dedicated to transporting their tambourines and triangles.
Chris says he hopes to inspire others and believes people will “catch up if you prove that it’s easy to do it the right way.” But so far, the idea is what, just give all the fans a Goop discount code so they can come to the shows with their own reusable crystal infused glass water bottles? They better get cracking on some substantive solutions. Coldplay has a new album out tomorrow, and believe me, that shit it not going to sell itself.