Time to break out the Funfetti cake and get The Smush Room cleaned (although, to stop the spread of mutant STDs, The Smush Room should probably be burned) because The Situation of Jersey Shore has packed up his prison-made face fillers (made from Honey Buns icing and acid from a AAA battery) and moved out his cell. As of 8:30 this morning, The Situation was officially released from prison after an 8 month sentence for tax evasion.
According to TMZ:
The Sitch is a free man. He was released at 8:30 AM. He and his wife said, “We are elated to finally close this chapter of our life. Thank you to our family, friends and fans for the continuous love and support during this time, it brought us so much peace and comfort.” They go on … “We look forward to continuing our life as husband and wife and working on baby situations!”
Err, let’s calm down with the “working on the baby situations.” I don’t need an image of The Situation’s post-prison bareback sex-making floating around my brain. Aaaaannnnddd now it’s too late. Damn it.
The Situation seemed to make the most of his prison time with playing bingo, working out, and making friends with other famous criminals like Fyre Fest scammer Billy McFarland, and the guy who hacked Scarlett Johansson’s phone.
No word on who was there to celebrate his release, but I’m sure the Jersey Shore cast was lurking somewhere nearby. They are probably excited to focus on something less toxic than Ron-Ron’s hot mess of a relationship and more funny than Vinny’s stand up.
It’s a good day for The Situation. Not only did he get out of prison, but Pillsbury just released a Funfetti pancake and waffle mix. What a time to be alive for him!
And now that The Situation has survived prison, he can offer some sage and wise advice to his Jersey Shore cast messes before they inevitably spend their own time in the clink.