Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 4, 2019 / Posted by:

This isn’t your traditional Fourth of July HSOTD. There’s no red, white, and blue (although, that cap is red, the chancleta is white, and I think I spot a blue plastic bag in the background). There’s no hot dog. There’s no drunk half-cake stealer riding around on a scooter in a Walmart while drinking wine out of a Pringles can (that image should be our new American flag, honestly). But there’s not much that’s more American than a viral challenge about some stupid shit. And on top of that, I spent many American holidays during my childhood getting threatened by the chancla while acting a mess during a family BBQ.

As you know from half of the world screaming, “STOP WITH THE FUCKING BOTTLE CAP CHALLENGE,” the Bottle Cap Challenge is the newest viral waste of time, and everyone from John Mayer to Donnie Yen to Ellie Goulding to your weekday fuck buddy has done it. Many a trick is showing off their athletic kicking skills by opening a bottle cap with their foot. I’ll let these show-offs at it, because I’m not about to end up with a $1,500 ER bill from pulling some shit in my leg

But the Bottle Cap Challenge is now done, and like most things, it’s been put to an end by a Hispanic mother who’s got several gold medals in chancleta throwing. If you’re trying to open a bottle of hot sauce to put on your Fourth of July corn today and can’t open it, that’s because all caps are refusing to open now that the Queen of the Battle Cap Challenge has opened a cap like never before.

In this clip, the role of my abuelita is played by that mother in black, and me after acting a mess at a family BBQ is being played by that bottle of Tapatio.

That chancla ninja: ALL the points!

Everybody else: Negative zero!

Pic: Twitter

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