Either a third child is growing in Blake NotSoLively’s womb, or the double-stuffed chili cheese burrito and pizza fries she had for lunch brought out the bloat in a major way and she’s embracing that bloat positivity. Blake’s rep wouldn’t say, but I’m going with those offical breeders have bred again!
Since Blake’s antebellum fever dream version of GOOP shut down in 2015 (Forever4Get Preserve.us), she couldn’t announce her latest pregnancy in an exclusive photo shoot where she gracefully lies her pregnant body in a cotton field as models dressed in slave couture gently pat her dewy forehead with a wet lace rag. So instead, Blake did herself up like Totally Hair Barbie going to an Easter-themed prom in 1992 and brought her bump to her husband’s movie premiere in NYC last night.
31-year-old Blake and 42-year-old Ryan Reynolds got married on a plantation in 2012. She gave birth to their first daughter James in 2014, and their second daughter Inez in 2016. They really should be stripped of their “official breeders” title, because they’re late with their two-years-between-children gap by one full year! For shame. And while many eyes were glued to Blake’s baby growing area, my eyes were busy wet heaving over the ungodly terror baby of denim and a vest that was on Ryan’s stomach area:
I know that Ryan Reynolds is Canadian but this is ridiculous. He looks like a nerdy substitute math teacher who has a side gig as a country wedding singer. If you look at your own outfit in the mirror and can answer “yes” to the question, “Would Blake Shelton wear this with pride?“, take the entire mess off and burn it immediately. Poor Ido D. Claire Reynolds (that’s totally what Southern belle-in-her-mind Blake is naming her third child) has to share its sort of debut with that. That definitely counts as child abuse.
Here’s more of Blake, Ryan, their unborn baby, and his genitals-drying denim vest at the premiere of Detective Pikachu (which thanks to Chelsea Handler, sounds to me like a true crime series starring her coochie).