Tom Hardy Has Reportedly Named His New Kid After Forrest Gump

January 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Seen above laughing at their own baby naming joke are Myspace underwear model Tom Hardy and his wife Charlotte Riley, who have rolled out the red carpet spit-up rags in welcoming their newborn son, whom they have reportedly named after a character in Forrest Gump. I wish like hell that I could report that they named their son Bubba Gump Shrimp Company Hardy, but “sources” say that Tom and Charlotte went boring on us and have instead named their child Forrest Hardy after Forrest Gump himself.

Tom and Charlotte, who have never disclosed the name of their three year old daughter (my money is on Ocean or Sky), are said to be in “over the moon” territory with wee Forrest Gump Hardy, according to The Sun:

An insider said: “The couple are over the moon with the new addition to the family.

“Friends are already saying that the baby boy looks exactly like Tom.

“They’ve been laying low over the festive period so they can get used to having a busier household and adjusting to the needs of a newborn.

“They love the name Forrest as it’s earthy and strong. Tom has always found the movie Forrest Gump very inspiring and enjoyable and thinks it fits.”

Obviously we must take this baby naming news with a healthy side eye, because this “source” has got to be a bot or a Russian hacker. Who the hell but the most medicated or sarcastic among us calls the holidays “the festive period“? Also, this same source is calling Forrest Gumpinspiring and enjoyable“. Do you know anyone who talks like that other than perhaps Jeff Bridges in the 1984 classic Starman? This “source” sounds like an alien trying awfully hard to fit in on Earth.

Maybe Tom Hardy has a real sense of humor and just wanted to yell “Run, Forrest, Run!” at his son’s future track meets. Maybe be wants to give his son a box of chocolates and an important life lesson on his birthday every year. Maybe he wanted to create an alternate film ending and already has an arranged marriage with a little newborn girl named Jenny. Maybe he really wanted to name the kid Junior, but didn’t want to be accused of egoism again after all his trucker hat and underwear selfies, so he named the kid after a Tom Hanks character instead.

We don’t really need to know the truth, but with that said, Forrest Hardy sounds like the effect of binging on Levitra on a camping trip.


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