Amber Heard and Johnny Depp were married for a little less than two years, and it feels like their diarrhea tornado of a divorce battle lasted five times longer than that. But after all those gross abuse accusations and greedy gold digger labels were thrown, they finally closed the casket on their marriage in 2017. They still fought over money, but the messiest part was done. How simple-brained some of us are, because we’re not done hearing about it, and thanks to one of Johnny’s many lawsuits, he’s playing the “but, but, she hit me too!” card.
Amber claimed that Johnny beat her during their marriage, and there were pictures and a video to help prove her case. Amber said in court documents that at her 30th birthday party on April 21, 2016, Johnny showed up several kinds of wasted and shoved her to the floor and grabbed her by the hair. Johnny denied it at the time, but never said that she hit him. But in court documents recently filed in his libel case against a British tabloid who did a story about him being an alleged lady beater, Johnny tells a different story of that night.
In Johnny’s version, he was the victim. People says that Johnny claims that because of a meeting with his business manager, he showed up two hours late to Amber’s birthday party and she was the opposite of amused. Rays of rage shot out of her after guests left. Amber bitched him out. Johnny says he wasn’t the drunk one, she was. Sober and reasonable-acting Johnny tried to avoid her by reading in bed, but she brought the crazy on him and punched him.
The document claims Depp, who was “not drunk or high on drugs,” was reading in bed when Heard, who had been drinking, allegedly became “aggressive and violent, punching him twice in the face.” Depp allegedly responded by “grabbing [her] arms to stop her punching him again and told her to stop.” Depp claims he pushed her onto the bed and told her he was leaving and not to follow him.
Johnny also says that Amber’s story about him throwing an iPhone at her face is a reworked fairy tale. Johnny says he “tossed” the phone onto the sofa and it never came close to touching her face. Amber’s lawyer denied it all, saying that Johnny’s wreck of a Rolling Stone article and the assault lawsuit against him speak for themselves.
“These allegations are totally false. One needs only read the recent Rolling Stone article about Mr. Depp to understand his state of mind. Mr. Depp is currently being sued in multiple venues, including for assaulting a location manager on the set of City of Lies. On many occasions, eyewitnesses observed the extent of the abuse Mr. Depp inflicted on Ms. Heard.”
Johnny Depp lost me at “wasn’t drunk.” There’s story after story (and video) of Johnny acting crazier than a drunk raccoon trapped in a bag, and yet I’m really supposed to believe that he ended his night soberly and calmly reading in bed? (Bitch doesn’t even read, apparently!) Okay, whatever, but I do want to hear what Pistol and Boo have to say about this. I’m sure they were there last night. Do I want them dragged into this disaster? No, but do I want to see them shuffle into court and place their little paws on the bible and swear to bark the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Fuck yes. I need that palate cleanser.