Sir Ian McKellen Has already Planned His Funeral, And It’s Going To Be Fabulous

April 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Sir Ian McKellen is 78 years old. The average life expectancy of a man in the UK is 79.4. So it’s only natural for him to regularly think about the day when a million “Sir Ian McKellen Has Left Us. What Is The Point Of Going On?” headlines pop up after he waltzes with the Grim Reaper up to the heavens. The Independent says that in a new documentary about his life called McKellen: Playing The Part, Sir Ian says that every single day, he thinks about the moment when death takes his ass. Me too, Gandalf, me too. It’s nice to know that when Sir Ian and I both lay awake at night, we think about how one day we’ll be lying in a coffin. Only I think about how the doctors will forget to check that I’m dead dead, and the mortician will forget to embalm me, and I’ll wake up in my coffin and curse my family for not cremating me like I asked! Don’t know if Sir Ian has the same vision or not.

Sir Ian says in the documentary that he thinks about death when he looks around and sees others shriveling down into non-working raisins, and wonders if that’ll happen to him.

“As I see other people getting decrepit and unable to work, I think, well, that may well happen to me… But in the meantime why deny myself the pleasure of rehearsing a play?”

Also in the meantime, he’s working on his funeral and memorial. Sir Ian says that his funeral will be free of religion. It’ll be in a theater and on the door of the theater will be a note that reads: NO FUGS ALLOWED!

“I would like the memorial to take place in a celebratory way — in a theatre. Free admission. And I’d want a lot of beautiful people. And when I finished this I thought, ‘Ooh, I’d love to go to that funeral.’ So I hope I might arrange a dress rehearsal before I go.”

Having a dress rehearsal for your funeral is a good idea, because then you can bitch out your family members for their flower, song and outfit changes to their face instead of doing it as a ghost they can’t hear. But I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for Sir Ian to have a dress rehearsal for his funeral. I don’t know if he can take the hotness and talent he’ll be hit with while watching Sir Patrick Stewart’s interpretive dance about their friendship.


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45 responses to “Sir Ian McKellen Has already Planned His Funeral, And It’s Going To Be Fabulous”

  1. runic2627 says:


  2. CaliCheeseSucks says:

    I really don’t want to think about any actor I really like dying.

    As it is, we feel overdue for a ‘big’ name.

    I’m glad nothing came out about him from #MeToo.

  3. Dwakadoodle says:

    He’s just so delightful.

  4. Lord, I am ready, take me now says:

    The thought of Sirs Ian or Patrick, or Betty White leaving us…….

  5. BaconSlut says:

    Imma be cremated, my tombstone will read “Apply Bacon”, and “Living in a Box” and “Highway to Hell” will both play at the internment.

    • Lord, I am ready, take me now says:

      I want a “Viking” funeral. Put my ass on a boat. Light the fucker up. And play “Closing time” by Semisonic while you do it. Now that’s a funeral.

  6. Tilly says:

    Honestly how much $$$ did he bank from TLOTR films…..he can do whatever he wants. I adore him❤

  7. Dirk,'Roid Assessor, M.D. says:

    Planning out your funeral is wise.
    Cremation seems most practical, imo.

  8. Aradia says:

    I began reading this before I noticed who wrote the post and I knew it was MK. Hilarious as usual.

  9. Rick says:

    I want a Mozart funeral. Wrap me up in an old gunny sack and throw me in a common, unmarked grave with 10 or 20 other forgotten souls somewhere in the back forty of Pere Lachaise. I’d be happy.

  10. Joanplus2dogs says:

    Do another season of Vicious before you go Ian! Loved it & was funny unlike plenty of current shows. I agree with doing a dress rehearsal. It is one thing to imagine how it will look versus the reality of how it actually looks.

  11. Queen Mab of the Unseelie says:

    When it’s my turn to make the journey to the Summerlands, my BFF promised me she would make sure I received the funeral I want:
    – A Viking funeral, in which my body is cremated in a boat on a nearby river
    – ‘Exercises in Free Love’ by Freddie Mercury is played while my remains burn
    – My cremains are collected and planted with a rowan or willow tree atop them

    I might add a Gary Numan song to the funeral rite, I need to think of the right one.

  12. BooBoo says:

    I had a friend, who was dying from brain cancer; plan her funeral. It was a three day BASH of a party. Live band. Karaoke. Rented a private campground on a small lake. She planned all the decorations & left instructions how she wanted it all to look….and it was beautiful

  13. Madam Pince says:

    A friend of mine met him at NYC pride & said he’s welcoming & kind, very receptive to meeting his fans. I’ve always loved him.

  14. Pickles and Cheese says:

    I waited so long (decades!) for technology to do justice to LOTR and Sir Ian was the most perfect Gandalf imaginable. Just thinking about his Last Party gives me the sads. Don’t go on us yet! (great post MK!)

  15. Spaz de la Whoreta says:

    I’m one of those people who dislikes the funeral industry (almost as much as the wedding industry). It’s too fucking much money to spend on getting my dead ass buried, so I’ve written my final instructions to my family for basic cremation and scattering at the location of their choice. No viewing, absolutely no fucking religion.

  16. CraigypantScissorpunch says:

    Good for him. I’m donating to science the whole dam lot. No use to me.

  17. lyza says:

    Nope, he isn’t allow to die, ever. Seriously though, he’s got a great outlook on life, makes him even more likable than he already is.

  18. JWC says:

    What a Luv this man is super

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