For some reason that I’ll never understand, many felt that Pippa Middleton’s ass upstaged Duchess Kate and Prince William on their royal wedding day in 2011. I roll my eyes whenever I think about that, because how could anyone or anything upstage Prince Hot Ginge in Disney prince cosplay? Butt anyway, Pippa is getting married to her fiancé James Matthews in May, and The Daily Mail says that she doesn’t want PHG’s girlfriend Meghan Markle there. Because apparently, Pippa is afraid that Meghan Markle will be the Pippa’s Ass of her wedding.
Meghan was Prince Hot Ginge’s plus one at the wedding of his friend, Lara Hughes-Young, in his Jamaica over a week ago. The paps were all over PHG and Meghan, and Pippa supposedly doesn’t want that to happen at her wedding. A source says that Pippa didn’t exactly write, “And Don’t Bring That Scene-Snatching Hussy Trollop Meghan,” on Prince Hot Ginge’s invitation. Pippa may keep Meghan out by laying down a highly singlephobic “no ring, no bring” rule, meaning that guests can only bring the person they’re married or engaged to. The source spilled out these words:
“She saw how all eyes were on Meghan rather than Lara last week. The situation was also stressful for Harry. Pippa and her mother Carole wonder whether Meghan’s presence could cause a great deal of unnecessary chaos.”
If The Daily Mail is telling the truth, then part of me wants PHG and Meghan to thwart that trick’s shifty plans by getting engaged the day before her wedding. (The other part of me is too busy scream crying over PHG getting engaged to think about anything.) But really, Pippa needs to remember that her ass sucked in all the attention during the WEDDING OF THE CENTURY! So if she wants to make sure that nothing upstages her, she just needs to wear what Janelle Monae wore during the Prince tribute at the BET Awards last year. It’s white, it’s lacy, it’s classic and it will feature Pippa’s spotlight-stealing ass!
All eyes would be on Pippa’s bridal ass….until Meghan Markle does something and everyone screams, “Oh my god, Meghan Markle is nibbling on a Jordan almond, everyone whip out your phones!”
And here’s PHG causing stained glass windows to steam up and giving saint statues the full-body tingles at Westminster Abbey in London yesterday.