Azealia Banks Hates Everything About America

March 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Yes, she hates EVERYTHING about America. This is the country that gave us Dynasty, Bea Arthur (it’s my second Bea Arthur reference of the day, because she is my religion and I have a quota to fill), vaporizer pioneer Bill Amato and Andy Capp’s Hot Fries. And yet, she still hates EVERYTHING? I cannot.

Yesterday, I linked to a few things that rapper, professional Twitter troll and anti-Igloo Australia activist Azealia Banks told Playboy, but she said a lot more. Azealia Banks, who was born in America and lives in America, told an American magazine she was paid to pose naked in that she wants to leave this country, because she hates everything about it from the fat white people to the racist memaws of teenage KMart cashiers. CAUTION: Farm shaming ahead!

“Yes! I hate everything about this country. Like, I hate fat white Americans. All the people who are crunched into the middle of America, the real fat and meat of America, are these racist conservative white people who live on their farms. Those little teenage girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma—that’s really America”

The fat white dudes who will jack off to the pictures of Azealia pouring leche all over her naked body are going to have the most confusing boners when they read that quote. Azealia should’ve added, “I hate fat white Americans except the fat white Americans who bought this magazine to fap to me. They’re okay.” Azealia went on to talk about a subject I care deeply about: DICK!

“I should be getting dick all the time. I like to fuck. [laughs] But I can’t just meet a guy and fuck him. I’m too afraid of getting herpes or some shit. I like to feel them out, and then I start talking about my black female problems, and we get into a conversation about race, and then we disagree and don’t have another date. Whatever. I’ll just hang out with my mother. It’s okay, because pussy is way more sacred than penis.”

She’s doing it all wrong. You’re not supposed to talk to them first. That’s crazy. You fuck them first, immediately, and then you “get to know them” by talking to them or whatever. Because after talking, you usually realize that you don’t like each other and you go your separate ways. If you fucked them first, at least you got some peen out of it.

And finally, Azealia’s brain burped up this thought about God:

“I don’t understand how someone could be an atheist. Think about God as software, right? If you were to look at God’s face, your head would explode. Because your head is a calculator, and the amount of information that would be embedded in his face would fit only on a Google-size data center. Your head cannot handle that much information. Stop looking for God.”

Here’s my only response to that shit:


Azealia Banks meet Jaden Smith. Jaden Smith meet Azealia Banks. After reading that God software quote, I can say that your brains might be one.

And here’s some NSFW pictures of Azealia’s nipples in Playboy:

Pics: ONTD, Playboy, Instagram

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