What The Hell Did I Just Watch?

The music video for Sia’s song “Chandelier” features Maddie Ziegler of Dance Moms flailing around in some Gummo-looking apartment and the whole thing is like snorting meth out of a rusty tail pipe. So when it came time to for Sia to perform “Chandelier” on Late Night with Seth Meyers, Maddie was MIA (probably recovering from the week’s worth of tetanus shots she had to get after dancing barefoot in that filthy crack den) and instead we got Lena Dunham in a $10 Cindy Brady wig dancing like nobody was watching.

I don’t know how to describe what I just watched better than saying it was as if interpretive dance swallowed a handful of expired quaaludes and crashed a high school talent show. No wait, it was like watching the Spring Break baby of The Good Humor Man and Judy Jetson stumble around after huffing all the freon from the back of her father’s truck. It was so weird; I kept pausing the video to see if Harmony Korine was hiding somewhere on stage with a Sony Handycam. Even Lena Dunham looked confused, but it could have been because she’s not used to wearing so many clothes. “A shirt AND a jacket??? Please don’t tell me I also have to wear pants.”

However, what Lena Dunham did was like watching Bob Fosse possessed by the ghost of Martha Graham compared to Jennifer Lopez on The Tonight Show last night. Jimmy Fallon pulled the “Tight Pants” sketch from the recycled ideas bin, and he and JLo dressed up like two budget Peter Brady dolls and did the twist. Well, Jimmy did the twist; JLo looked like she was fighting against a brain aneurysm:

I’d say Lena Dunham could teach JLo a thing or two about movement, but that’s not saying much. A sex tape starring Ed Grimley would be less awkward and cringeworthy than Jennifer Lopez trying to dance like a dork.