Contrary To What You’ve Heard, Tracy Morgan Isn’t Having One Of His Legs Amputated

June 10, 2014 / Posted by:

I might as well just write “bla bla bla Tracy Morgan bla bla both legs”, because you probably stopped giving a single fuck about reading after gazing upon the essquisit alagance of the pink cotton candy enchantress with the far-away eyes standing behind Tracy, and wondering why such a beauty is stuck behind a velvet rope and not sunning herself like a sexy mermaid on the hood of that car. Maybe they were afraid they’d sell too many cars.

Tracy Morgan has been laid up in the ICU at a New Jersey’s Robert Wood Johnson Hospital since Saturday morning, and unless you’re the nurse that hooks up his IV to a bag of liquefied lime Jell-O, not much is known about his condition besides his rep’s confirmation that Tracy’s body is in a bad way. You name it, it’s broken. Ribs? Broken. Femurs? Broken. Nose? Marcia Brady’ed. But on Sunday, as Tracy was being prepped for surgery on his leg, some snitch-ass nurse rang up and told them Tracy’s leg was about to be amputated.

But Tracy’s rep (either Grizz or Dot Com) tells TMZ that the rumor about Tracy getting the Heather Mills special is false and he still has both his legs. He is, however, still in critical condition, adding “This recovery will be arduous and we hope that you can be patient during this difficult time.” Which is basically the PR way of saying “Please don’t accept any collect calls from the nurses at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital.”

Meanwhile, Fox News (aka if your loudmouth asshole neighbour was a television station) says that the driver of the Walmart truck responsible for the crash that put Tracy in a chemically-induced hospital sleep should have been sleeping more himself. Authorities say Kevin Roper hadn’t slept in over 24 hours when he failed to respond to the traffic in front of his big rig. Maybe that explains why I can never find cans of Monster Extra Strength at Walmart; they’re all getting drunk on the way to the store. Damn Walmart, let your truck drivers take a break every once in a while, you greedy bastards! I think we can wait an extra half an hour for a case of Twist Up and a $1.99 12-pk of gym socks.

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