These Shit Stain Wrecks Are At It Again: Kate Major Busted For DUI After Slapping Michael Lohan

March 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Last month, Kate Major, the messy mess who always looks like a drunk Tara Reid in a fun house mirror, and Michael Lohan, the stubborn hard shit stuck in humanity’s b-hole, got into a fight, and as she screamed for help on the fame whore’s answer to 911 (aka Twitter) while locked in her bedroom, he tried to break down the door. To the surprise of no one, these two didn’t get intense counseling and make a promise to not be complete urethra sores for the sake of their child. (Yes, these two have a child. Are you listening CPS?) Michael and Kate are continuing to be a non-stop episode of Cops.

TMZ says that at their home in Florida tonight, Michael and Kate did something they probably do every second of the day when they’re not passed out on the bathroom floor: they got into a fight. Michael immediately called TMZ afterward (because that’s always his first call) and told them that Kate punched him multiple times in the face. I’m guessing that Kate hit him once for herself, once for LiLo and once for humanity. Michael called 911 (Twitter must’ve been down) and just as the cops arrived, a drunken Kate busted out of that scene in her car.

The cops caught up to Kate after she crashed into some bushes not far away. She was arrested for DUI and the cops may charge her with domestic battery.

The police should go ahead and arrest Michael Lohan too and throw him in the same cell with Kate and charge them both for giving Florida a band name. And we know that’s saying a whole fucking lot. A whole fucking lot.

There’s 2 things about this story that surprised me:

1. Kate and Michael have enough money for booze and gas.

2. Their kid still lives with them. It’s amazing that he hasn’t realized his future is bleak, found an open window, jumped out of it and stumbled his way toward a better life. Maybe he’ll do just that tonight when Michael Lohan’s on the phone with those who really matter to him (read: TMZ, Radar, The Insider, Access Hollywood, your local PennySaver, etc…).

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