Oprah Gets Into Bed With White Oprah

Picturing Oprah and White Oprah scissoring on a mattress is one way to spend your Saturday….

Lindsay Lohan’s mom White Oprah has regular vodka-infused blackout dreams about one day owning her own network called WON (White Oprah Network) and whoring out her daughter in a reality show for her network. But if that can’t happen, then the next best thing is LiLo getting a reality show on White Oprah’s idol’s network OWN. Deadline reported yesterday that as soon as Cliffside Malibu releases LiLo back into the wild, she’ll do an interview with Oprah before shooting her own “docu-series” for OWN. Congratulations to The Mighty O, because this means that OWN is one step closer to becoming the next E!.

LiLo’s interview with Oprah will splatter onto our TV screens sometime in August and her eight-part “docu-series” will air next year. I love how they are calling it a “docu-series.” Bitch, it’s not a docu-series, it’s a reality show! That’s like me bringing a bottle of Andre to a party and saying that it’s fine champagne. Bitch, that’s not champagne, it’s Andre! (That should really be Andre’s tagline.)

LiLo’s “docu-series” is either going to be a glorious wreck and a bigger disaster than Liz & Dick or it’s going to be an edited, sanitized bore. Whatever the case may be, this is news to do a shot of dirty crack pipe water over, because this means there’s a huge possibility that we’ll see the triumphant return of NANA LOHAN (at the 6:50 mark)!

That’s who really should be getting her own “docu-series,” because Nana Lohan is the only one in that family with brains and she looks younger and more beautiful than all those hos.