Pope Eggs Benedict became the first pope in 600 years to resign as the head bitch in charge of the Catholic Church today and he did so because he’s taking a more lucrative job as the head coach of Penn State’s football team. No, Pope Eggs Benedict is giving up his tiara, because he’s old and because he wants to focus all of his time on his real love: modeling shoes for Prada. This reminds me of when nearly every Catholic woman in my family fell to the ground, screamed and boxed the air over the news that the Elvis of popes, Pope John Paul II, died. Pope Eggs Benedict is the Steve Sanders to Pope John Paul’s Dylan McKay, so I don’t know if any abuelitas are punching the sky over this news. But everybody has something to say about this including noted pope hater Sinead O’Connor who went on her site and congratulated Pope Eggs Benedict for quitting his job.
I would like to congratulate Pope Benedict on his wise decision to retire before the very worst of what has been going on is discovered. I appreciate his alluding to some of it in his statement and assure him The Most High forgives those who can faithfully say they did wrong.
The church had been brought into dreadful disrepute by lies and blasphemies against The Holy Spirit. Benedict’s greatest achievement is this act of retiring. There is a chance now for the church to be re-built and made fit to house The Holy Spirit.
Who cares if Sinead is dressed like a middle-aged suburban dad on a cruise to Jamaica, she should be pope! If Sinead was pope, I’d probably start going to church on Sundays, because I really want to sit through an entire mass dedicated to the trials and tribulations of the difficult brown.