Ryan Gosling Is Really Good At Not Drawing Attention To Himself

Where there’s a Ryan Gosling covering his face with a Famous Monsters Magazine, there’s a Joyce DeWitt look-alike who’s trying to strap herself to his carry-on so he has no choice but to take her on a sky ride of love.

So yeah, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are still nibbling on each other’s wet parts and suddenly they’re all coy about it. Ryan and Eva spent their New Year’s in NYC together, and when they showed up at JFK and arrived at LAX yesterday, they both had their faces covered like my one-night tricks when they leave my apartment in broad daylight. (Or like my family members preparing themselves for the rancid scent of invisible butt smoke when I reached for a fourth piece of pistachio cake at Christmas Day lunch.)

Either these whores have a spray of herp sores on their mouths or they’re turning on the STUNT QUEEN moves for the holidays. Eva Mendes is really acting like the camera flashes down give her life and like she didn’t e-mail all the paps her exact itinerary. Bitch, give George Costanza his hat back and get over yourself.

Although…if I was walking around with some dude wearing a trucker hat and the year wasn’t 2003, I’d probably cover my mug out of embarrassment too.