Bobbi Kristina Brown And Nick Gordon Are Wonderful Neighbors

Bobbi Kristina Brown and her so-called “adopted brother” turned boyfriend turned fiancé turned boyfriend again have been a thorn shoved deep into their neighbors’ asses for months and I guess it finally caught up with them, because they got kicked out of their apartment in Alpharetta, GA. But just like her mom, Bobbi Kristina didn’t go down without slapping her neighbors with words.

Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon’s neighbor Joshua Morse tells 11Alive that he lived above them and they were constantly partying until 5 in the morning and annoying him, his wife and his 1-year-old kid. Joshua tried to work it out with Bobbi Kris and Nick before complaining to management, but they closed their ears to his words and kept being loud bitches. Joshua finally complained to management and complained again and again and again and again. Joshua says that he filed ten different complaints in six months. Bobbi Kris and Nick were eventually evicted, but they had to have the last word and left a letter at Joshua’s door last night.

Here’s the beautiful, touching and not-at-all delusional or entitled letter that Bobbi Kris and Nick allegedly wrote. via Reddit & Gawker

The delusion is so thick that my eyes choked on it. If you scraped all the self-entitlement off of that letter and shaped it into a tooth, it would be big enough to fill Bobbi Kris’ gap.

You know a letter is going to be good when it starts off with, “You are shit at the bottom of our shoe.”

What Bobbi Kris and Nick mean to write was, “You should be honored to have us partying below you until 5 in the morning and waking up your kid at all hours of the night. You’re just jealous that you weren’t born to a successful mother and can spend your days wasting your inheritance away. Just remember that secondhand weed smoke you inhaled came from the mouth of Bobbi Kristina Brown, bitch.”

With all that being said, I still blame Bobby Brown for this. I also blame Bobby Brown for the fact that I ran out of coffee this morning. When in doubt, blame Bobbaaaaaay B.

QOTD: Joan Cusack’s Bitchy Advice To Gabourey Sidibe

Right after Mo’Nique tried to break Precious’ spirit by nearly hitting her on top of the head with a free falling TV, Joan Cusack tried to gently break Gabourey Sidibe’s Hollywood dreams by telling her the same shit Stephanie Yellowhair would tell me if I said I wanted to work the stroll: “You just don’t have the looks to work, bitch.” During a game of Plead the 5th on Watch What Happens Live last night, Andy Cohen asked Gaby what celebrity she was most disappointed by after meeting them (at the 1:14 mark in the video below) and this came out of her mouth:

“It’s not in a mean way because I know she meant well. I met Joan Cusack, who is my favorite, favorite, and she… I love her. It was before I became whatever and I was like at some industry party and she says, ‘Are you an actress?’ And I said, ‘Yeah.’ And she says, ‘Oh honey, you should really quit the business. It’s so image conscious.’ I think she really, really meant it in a good way… I think she really, really did, so no shade to her, but I was like, ‘Oh, but I love you, please don’t tell me to quit my job.'”

Joan is right. Hollywood usually only gets hard up for beauties, but if Joan’s ass is still getting work, then they must not be that image obsessed. I’m sure Joan meant in a “this business will turn you into an insecure heffa and before you know it you’ll be getting daytime chin lipo and an earlobe transplant to stay in the game” kind of way. Or Joan was just being an unfiltered bitch. I hope it’s the latter, because we really need more bitches at the bitch table.

The Bitch Word Is Alive And Well In Jay-Z’s Mouth

Seen here getting a serious whiff of a lucky piece of his ego that escaped out of his butthole and slipped up to freedom through his legs, Jay-Z left Blue Ivy Carter at home with Beyonce (and a team of nannies, and a chef who specializes in gourmet-flavored tit leche, and a choreographer who specializes in teaching newborns how to kick with the beat, and a voice teacher who specializes in teaching newborns how to burp with vibrato, and a gold miner who specializes in sifting through the caca lumps of a chosen one to find D-class diamonds) to hold court at the grand re-opening of his club 40/40 in NYC last night.

Had I known that Jay-Z was coming outside, I would’ve staged a pro-bitch rally and thrown proud bitches (like my friend Jesse, my friend Dr. Jennifer, every Dlisted commenter, a couple of my neighbors and a few my relatives) at him as he walked the carpet. LONG LIVE BITCHES! But there was no need for that, because Jay-Z told reporters that he did not write the anti-bitch poem and “bitch” will still make an appearance on his tongue (insert your own Kanye’s booty hole joke here).

That whole anti-bitch poem seemed suspect to me from the very beginning and I knew it had to be as fake as the smile Beyonce makes when she congratulates Michelle Williams for having the #10 single in Uzbekistan. “Bitch” has made Jay-Z a whole lot of gold bars and if there’s something he respects above EVERYTHING it’s MONAAAY HONEY BOO-BOO CHILD.

Here’s a few pictures of all the A-listers who set 40/40 on fire with their bright shining star power last night: Jay-Z, me in drag, Ashatni, Spike Lee, the Staten Island Peg Bundy and Selita Ebanks.

Jay-Z Might Retire The Word Bitch

NME posted a poem they say Jay-Z wrote about how the birth of his daughter Blue Ivy Carter has inspired him to stick a bitch word filter on the tip of his tongue. Jay-Z, who has said in the past that he regrets some of the lyrics about women in his old songs, will have to find a new word to rhyme with “rich” and now has an even 100 problems. As Fishsticks Paltrow smiles knowing that her official title in the Carter household has been upgraded from “That Annoying Bitch Again?” to “That Annoying Cunt Again?“, read a piece of Jay-Z’s oh so noble poem:

“Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich/I didn’t think hard about using the word bitch/I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it/Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it”.

No man will degrade her, or call her name. I’m so focused on your future, the degradation has passed. I wish you wealth, health and insight. Forever young you may pass. Blue Ivy Carter, my angel”.

Vibe is squinting at this poem, though, because they’re not sure it has come from the mind of Jay-Z since he hasn’t splattered it all over his website. But if this is true, then please oh please let the first words out of B.I.C.’s mouth to Jay-Z be: YOU BITCH!