Lindsay Lohan’s Next Movie Is A Noir Werewolf Political Thriller Called “Among The Shadows”

January 29, 2019 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan would probably tell you that in her new film (she will absolutely call it a film instead of a movie), she plays a wealthy, femme fatale/politician’s wife who’ll do whatever it takes to protect her man and in doing so, the entire European Union. In reality, her new movie, Among The Shadows, stars a budget Kate Beckinsale as a detective named Kristy Wolfe with a secret she’d do anything to protect. Her secret. She’s a werewolf. So, anything other than changing her name I guess.

According to People, this is Lindsay’s first feature film (it’ll premiere On Demand March 5th so plenty of time to come up with a good drinking game for it) since 2013’s Razzie-nominated The Canyons. People’s synopsis of the movie doesn’t match what is shown in the trailer. Here’s what People says it’s about.

The 32-year-old actress stars as Patricia Sherman, the wife of a European president, in Among the Shadows, which follows private investigator Kristy Wolfe, who hides that she is a werewolf in order to survive.

Here’s what your own eyes and ears say about the movie where Lindsay probably did most of her scenes in front of a green screen:

According to Wikipedia (yes, we are doing real journalism here), the film was shot from November to December of 2015, primarily in Brussels, and honestly I’m surprised they could afford to do it there. But then again, it looks like they saved heaps by making the bold decision that “werewolf” just means you have glowing cat eyes and enjoy nibbling on arms while in your otherwise completely human form. Also, it was nice of NBC to lend them footage from the “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” episode of 30 Rock to use in their film. They probably saved tens of dollars there on b-roll moon shots and canned howling.

I’ve got to hand it to Lindsay, she somehow managed to get herself top billing in this dog. She must have an agent, at the very least. Poor baby Beckinsale is probably fuming because she is clearly the main protagonist in the film, despite what the posters make it look like.

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VIVA 2019 #lindsaylohan #amongtheshadows

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I thought she was supposed to be a classy lady, why is she dressed like a Transylvanian hooker in that one? I think this next shot really says it all. Baby Beckinsale, I like you! None of this is your fault. Maybe Lindsay’s agent is taking on new clients.

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Порция кадров хоррор-триллера «Тени внутри нас». В главных ролях: Линдси Лохан, Шарлотта Бекетт и Оливье Энглеберт. За режиссуру отвечает Тьяго Мескита, автор сценария Марк Морган. Частный сыщик должна распутать убийство своего дяди, сохранив при этом тайну о том, что она — потомок из рода оборотней. Премьера состоится 5 марта. #AmongTheShadows #LindsayLohan #CharlotteBeckett #ЛиндсиЛохан #cityscape #realestate #manhattan #travel #blogger #newyorkcity #nyc #newyork #brooklyn #empirestatebuilding #wtc #newyorkcity #centralpark #midtown #downtown #timessquare

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While you were laughing your ass off at those posters, I came up with a couple of drinking games to get you ready for March. Take a drink every time Lindsay dramatically removes her sunglasses/pulls a scarf from her head. Take two drinks every time there’s a fight scene so poorly lit you can’t tell how many people are involved let alone which characters. Finally, shoot yourself with a silver bullet every time Lindsay appears on screen.

Pic: YouTube

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