I don’t know how you can break your silence when you haven’t been silent for years, but okay, People.
Because Pimp Mama Kris felt like now was a great time to stop feeding krap to the media through “sources” and milk the situation for an exclusive cover interview, Khloe Kartrashian said lines that a script writer and publicist wrote for her while talking to People Magazine. The picture of her giving us “sads but maintaining the sexy” was a nice touch, but they really should’ve added a halo since she’s the saint who saved Lamar Odom from death! (UPDATE: Khloe wookie slapped us haters on Twitter by saying that this photo shoot for People was done before Lamar was found unconscious in a brothel and she was kontractually obligated to due a 5-minute follow-up interview after what happened.)
Khloe and Lamar dropped their plans for divorce as he lay in the hospital and “sources” said then that they were giving their marriage another chance. But she tells People that they aren’t together again and they’re not even thinking about that right now. As PMK was in the writers room plotting a Keeping Up with the Kardashians season finale kliffhanger where Khloe takes a long dramatic pause after Lamar asks her to marry him again while lying on his hospital bed, Khloe told People that she’s not riding Lam Lam in the ICU.
“It’s out in the media that we are back together, but I wish people understood that’s not in our thought process right now. There are too many other important things, too many medical things. It’s not even in our brains thinking about us as a couple or having a relationship right now. It’s not anything sexual or intimate. I want to be his support system. Tragedy does make you reassess a lot of things, but when it comes to our relationship, it’s the same, except I’m here supporting him fully.”
Khlozilla went on to mouth fart words about how staying on as Lamar’s wife makes sense for her, because she wants to make medical decisions for him. As plastic surgeons injected Lamar’s lips with Fix-A-Flat and installed ass implants into his body per Khloe’s instructions, she said this:
“I’m not trying to get married tomorrow to anybody. It’s just bad timing to proceed with that right now. And also for medical reasons, it’s just smarter that gets on hold for a minute. But that does not mean I’m back with Lamar. That’s a whole other thing that only time will tell. I can’t tell you what tomorrow brings.”
Everything that Khloe said makes sense. We know Pimp Mama Kris’ ways, so I should’ve never believed that Khloe would get back with Lamar that fast. I mean, PMK needs time to compare the bank account balances of Khloe’s current piece James Harden with the estimated earnings that a Khloe and Lam Lam reconciliation reality show would bring in. A good pimp always does the math first!
And here’s Kim Kartrashian, the Slow One and Caitlyn Jenner going to lunch yesterday. Somebody please call SEAL Team Six and beg them to rescue James and those talking bugs from Kim’s body.