If you’re in Miami and see steam billowing out of one of the hotels, it’s nothing. It’s just Michelle Rodriguez and her piece Cara Delevingne rubbing a layer of skin off of their coochie lips while scissoring, because you know when these two fuck, they fuck. They fuck like a death comet is shooting towards Earth. When they fuck, smoke detectors go off and when the firefighters break down their hotel room door and try to pry them off of each other, they keep fucking. Turning the hose on them is a waste of water, because they can’t stop, won’t stop.
While looking like Jason Mewes dressed up as a Disney Channel rapper circa 1993, Cara held MRod’s head like a basketball and made out with her in front of their hotel in Miami yesterday. Before making out in Miami yesterday, Cara and Michelle touched nipples while making out with their tops off in Cancun last week.
I’m gayer than a baby blue poodle humping on a flamingo plush toy’s ass and even that did things to me. But you know when this ends, it’s not going to end well. They’re going to make SamRo and LiLo look like a functional and sane couple. They’re going to unconsciously uncouple, because they’re going to knock each other out with the shit they’ll throw at each other from across the room. There’s going to be tears, screams, broken windows, blood and the make-up sex will make the ice sheet in Greenland melt once and for all. We’ve been warned.