Kris Jenner Still Trying To Be The Hottest Kardashian Sister

January 8, 2014 / Posted by:

This looks like a postcard from the giftshop in Hell. “Wish You Were Here! No, literally, I wish you were here to save me, Jesus. I haven’t even met Satan yet, but surely he can’t be any worse than Kris Jenner.”

I guess Kris didn’t have time to read the memo that says we’ve stopped giving a shit about her and her awful stable of come-to-life gargoyles because she was just too busy staring at Kim Kardashian’s new Birkin and trying to guess which one is her (“Am I the one pushing Kim out of the way? OMG it looks just like me!”). Otherwise, maybe she would have thought twice about uploading a flip book chock full of selfies, including this pic of her looking like an attention-starved melting candle, to Instagram yesterday with the caption: “Celebrate Life“. And I did; I celebrated my mom’s life by calling her and thanking her for not being anything like Kris Jenner. You know what? All of you should call your mothers today and thank them for not being Kris Jenner. Then why not celebrate your own life? Go outside and dance in the streets or sing from the highest mountain, because you weren’t born a Kardashian. Thanks, Kris! Thank you for reminding me to celebrate life!

But back to that picture. Kris looks like the Ms. February from a MILF calendar if MILF stood for ‘Man, I Love Fotoshop™’ (Fotoshop is the photo-editing software Kris created after Adobe refused to re-name Photoshop ‘Kardashian Komputer Korrector’). Although that may be a bit generous, because I don’t know how much of that picture is actually Kris’s body. It looks like a drunken game of exquisite corpse: Kendall’s legs, Kim’s dumpy horse butt, Khloe’s neck (for her waist), two beige Arthur George socks for the tits, Bruce Jenner’s jawline, and Kris’s eyes from 2006 (her current eyes are pulled so tight, any attempt at closing them would rip her eyebrows off).

(Pic via Instagram)

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