If You’re Wondering Where All The Photoshop Went, It’s On The Cover Of USWeekly

December 11, 2013 / Posted by:

I swear on my favorite tit that I’m not on the Kim Kardashian payroll, it’s just that this bitch is EVERYWHERE. Plus, she only pays 10% and I don’t get out of bed for less than 15 because someone needs to subsidize the high class lifestyle I lead that includes off-brand Nutella and twist-top wine.

Anyway, USWeekly‘s latest cover is Kim (no surprise) in a white bikini (even less of a surprise) with the tag lines “No gimmicks! No surgery!” and “Kim slams the fat bullies and gets her sweet revenge”, which is some well played shade. Referencing sugar when you know damn well Kim lost her weight on Atkins and hasn’t put anything sweet in her mouth since Reggie Bush packed up his dick and left!.

Everybody pick up their phones and call bullshit on “no gimmicks” because that is the exact opposite of the definition of “Kardashian”, but I can sort of buy Kim’s weight loss being surgery-free. You know, as long as they’re not factoring in the part about her gaining a pound in her lips for every ten she lost off her hips. Even if she didn’t back herself up to an empty bay at the plastic surgeon’s office to have him Shop-Vac her ass, whatever she did to her face brought her one step closer to scoring the cover for National Geograhic’s anteater issue.

Before everybody starts yelling, “Where’s your baby???”, you should know the photographer took a handful of pictures of Kim as NorthSouthEastWestU-Turn took a quick cat nap before packing up and heading back to the photo lab donated in the Kardashian family’s name by Adobe.

(Pic: USWeekly)

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >