“Super Pope” Puts On A Disguise To Help The Homeless On The Down Low

HuffPo says that after the night covers Rome and most of the Catholic priests head down to the disco under the Vatican to snort blessed coke off of a go-go boy’s soft dick, Pope Francis put on “ole’ regular priest” drag and sneaks out to help the homeless. Note to Justin Bieber and all the other celebrity fuck-ups, you need to get with Pope Francis’ PR team, because those bitches are good.

Archbishop Konrad Krajewski (aka the Almoner of His Holiness) recently told reporters that Pope Francis always wants to go with him when he goes out into the city at night to hang with homeless people. Archbishop Konrad let out a subtle smile when reporters asked him if Pope Francis has ever gone out with him. A source tells HuffPo that Pope Francis does go out at night to mingle with the homeless:

“Swiss guards confirmed that the pope has ventured out at night, dressed as a regular priest, to meet with homeless men and women.”

Pope Eggs Benedict just clutched his gold Lacroix crucifix and screamed out, “Heiligen Gott,” (Google Translate tells me that’s German for “¡Santo Dios!“), because the thought of him taking off his precious red leather Prada knock-off loafers to do himself up as a normal priest is making him want to fall back into the arms of his lead supervisor (aka Jesus) and weep at the thought of that dreadfulness.

So Pope Francis has tweeted against consumerism, doesn’t have any household staff, he supposedly said that do-gooder atheists go to heaven, he wrote that the church is “obsessed” with gay marriage and abortion, he used to be a club bouncer and now we learn that he de-Popes his look to eat bread with the homeless without creating a scene. What is going on here?! Pope Fran Fran better stop being so cool before the fangirls fanabuelitas turn on him. They’re all asking themselves, “Harpo, who dis Pope?”