Lindsay Lohan Says Goodbye To Betty Ford And Hello To Summering In Malibu

June 13, 2013 / Posted by:

That huge gust of wind coming from Palm Springs is from all the employees at Betty Ford simultaneously letting out  gigantic sighs of relief, because they don’t have to deal with Lindsay Lohan’s delusional, entitled ass anymore. LiLo woke up in the afternoon one day and decided that she’s done with the desert and hears that the Adderall is aplenty in Malibu this time of year. LiLo (otherwise known to Betty Ford employees as THIS BITCH) has checked out of Betty Ford and has checked into a rehab facility in Malibu.

TMZ says that LiLo has just graduated from a 30-day program at Betty Ford and her lawyer, the judge and prosecutors all decided that she should spend the rest of her 90-day sentence at Cliffside Rehab Center in Malibu. They decided that the employees at Betty Ford needed a break from turning the hose on LiLo every time she tried to cut and snort the blood out of new patients who just checked in with an Adderall addiction. No, everyone decided that Betty Ford is better for 30-day programs and Cliffside is better for longer programs. TMZ doesn’t know if she’s allowed to swallow Adderall (aka the One Ring to her Gollum) at Cliffside, but they doubt it.

TMZ also says that LiLo has already moved into Cliffside, but is this confirmed CONFIRMED? Because I’m expecting to hear that a car transporting LiLo from Betty Ford to Cliffside was hijacked by a charbroiled, crazed blond batshit banshee (aka White Oprah). The blond banshee slobbered all over the driver, humped him and  then pulled LiLo out of the car. They were last seen crawling all over a pharmaceutical cargo truck in Riverside. If you are in the area and currently have Adderall in your system, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, because they will chase you down and chew your skin off.

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