BREAKING (WIND) NEWS: Whoopi Farts On The View?
Some hos who really know me know that nothing takes me higher like a highly important story about butt burps, so a few emails with the subject "WHOOPI JUST FARTED ON THE VIEW" farted their way into my inbox after I watched Whoopee ALLEGEDLY let out a loud air kiss through her asshole. But I need to see receipts! Unless Whoopi's got a mic clipped to her anus lips (very possible) or her butt boom traveled all the way to her mic, I don't think we'd able to hear her fart that clearly. It looks to me like Whoopi was about to ask Claire Danes a question when her lips got twisted and made a BRAARRGHGHGH noise. Then Whoopi played it off like it came out of her ass. The View's spokeswhore said that it was just joke and Whoopi only pretended it came from her. How low can Whoopi go?! Bitch is asslip-synching now? If we can't trust Whoopi to give us an authentic fart, how can we trust her at all?
That said, that fart-like sound was way more interesting than anything that has come out of Elisabeth Hasselcrack's mouth, so they should just play that sound every time she talks.
And if you need me, I'll be making room on my living room shelf for all the Pulitzer Prizes I'm going to get for this post. More like Pullmyfingeritzer Prizes.
via HuffPoot
Fffffffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzt huuuuuuuuhhhhhhh
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Oh mah gaaaaawwd! This post was hilarious MK!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Sans Fards, Although probably way too late for you to see this post...Did you read about the people who died after using tap water in their neti pots? (Got that brain-eating amoeba.)
We tried everything for my son, from the simple neti pot to surgery (removing his adenoids), only to discover he is highly allergic to dust. I'm so sorry that you have those sinus issues. In my guy's case, he was a chronically red-nosed tissue hoarder until we encased his bedding and removed rugs for the hardwood underneath. Still prone, of course, but at least sleeping comfortably for once.
Well my respect for Whoopie just went up quite a bit (yes I'm sure this means a lot to her). She farts on TV and OWNZ IT--good for her! I think she handled the situation as well as anyone could have under such excruciatingly embarrassing circumstances and better than most would have.
This is how it's done after you're caught farting on-air, Nancy Grace!
Oh, and Whoopie did *exactly* what my puppeh does after she passes wind--she cranes her neck around to look at her bum like she has no IDEA what just came out of it. LOL.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:50pm.
Gross. I really am a 12 year old boy at heart...except when it comes to Bodily functions. They aren't funny, it's tacky to do these kinds of things in public and I don't want to hear about them. My biggest pet peeve? People who blow their nose just whereever they are. At the dinner table *gag*, while we are working together *double gag*. It's what restrooms are for.
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oh shit, I think I'm one of these people...haha. I have chronic sinus issues that cause my nose to run all the goddamn fucking time. Nothing alleviates it - I've tried allergy meds, neti pot (which helps, but doesn't get rid of it altogether), aromatherapy, everything of getting Christian Bale to punch me in the nose to rearrange my sinuses. The doc says I'll probably have to resort to surgery if it's that unbearable.
So, sorry about my tissue-hoarding!
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Whoopi is so cute about it.
I am trapped in a house with two young boys , one of them with chronic constipation and on Miralax. That boy`s farts are RIPE. This morning i got farted on by a boy while volunteering at breakfast duty at the kids school.
At this point, i m seriously considering : If you can`t beat them, join them.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
That was GROSS! I bet it smelled, too. Joy looked worried.
Today there was this little boy waiting outside a store for his mom (I assume) and he was making mouth fart noises. When I walked by, I made a mouth fart noise right back at him. He looked very surprised that a nice mommy lady would do something so rude.
I laughed my ass off at myself.
Hahaha "pullmyfingeritzer prizes" nice, MK.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:34pm.
Jesus, get your ass some Beano and be a fucking professional.
Speaking of Beano - that crap sent me to the ER. Was eating alot more vegetables, and suffering the uh, repercussions, so thought I'd give Beano a try. Unbeknownst to me, mold is an ingredient. MAJORLY allergic to molds. Hives, throat swelling shut, the works.
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Thanks for the heads up! I also eat a lot of veggies and was going to try Beano, but not if there is mold in it. I am also very allergic to mold.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
I don't care if she does a donkey while getting a colonic--ain't gonna watch any video of the view...
Hold on, nobody has had the escaped air that surprises you as you're walking around or shifting on your seat? I say hell no to public bodily air release when you can hold it, but sometimes, they surprise your ass.
So, that wasn't exactly professional, but it happens. A good diet can induce gas. I eat a lot of veggies, which produce gas. I once heard a nutritionist mention that many are dairy-sensitive, and need a probiotic. With our modern lifestyle and diet, our good-guy gut bacteria needs a boost!
Obviously, Sandusky didn't teach this fugly black woman proper hygiene or how to tighten her sphincter muscle.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:50pm.
LMAO ♥♥♥♥♥♥
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
I had Chipotle last night, so I can totally relate. *kicks desk and launches king-sized air biscuit*
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:50pm.
My biggest pet peeve? People who blow their nose just whereever they are. At the dinner table *gag*, while we are working together *double gag*. It's what restrooms are for.
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Picking your nose and booger flicking is ok though right?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:49pm.
****
Holy crap!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Gross. I really am a 12 year old boy at heart...except when it comes to Bodily functions. They aren't funny, it's tacky to do these kinds of things in public and I don't want to hear about them. My biggest pet peeve? People who blow their nose just whereever they are. At the dinner table *gag*, while we are working together *double gag*. It's what restrooms are for.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I fart less since I started taking probiotics, but I walk a lot slower too, was there a correlation? This is a medical mystery.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:34pm.
Jesus, get your ass some Beano and be a fucking professional.
Speaking of Beano - that crap sent me to the ER. Was eating alot more vegetables, and suffering the uh, repercussions, so thought I'd give Beano a try. Unbeknownst to me, mold is an ingredient. MAJORLY allergic to molds. Hives, throat swelling shut, the works.
Somebody send me some popouri for xmas. They ask me to make chili now that its cold out. *cries*
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:33pm.
Sorry people. Im a little traumatized by farts
I am the only female in a house with three teenaged sons, a middleaged husband and two male dogs
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LOL!! Poor GG. We do have a tendency to turn farting into a sport somehow.
I live with all boys, too and we encourage all butt activity take place in the bathroom. Unfortunately, we have a half bath off the kitchen and the other night, Thing 1 let one slip at the table. Boo Boo sent him to the bathroom where he let another one rip we could all hear from the table and then the kid started immediately giggling afterward.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Fart greeting card.
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0032/7882/products/fart.jpg?101029
I can laugh at farts with Mr. Spot. If he "dutch ovened" me, I'd cut him.
No to farting in public or in front of others as a show.
Submitted by zachhcaz on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:15pm.
In other words, to paraphrase Whoopi on Roman Polanski, "It wasn't a FART fart."
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Bwahahahaha! That's comedy gold right there!
Aw ((GG)). I can see how the Fart Game on steroids would take the fun out of it for you.
Jesus, get your ass some Beano and be a fucking professional.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
LOL @ this whole thread. I was standing outside during a break in classes talking to another girl in my class while she was smoking. Mid-sentence, she says, "...excuse me for a sec", sticks her butt out and farts and then continues talking like nothing happened!
Sorry people. Im a little traumatized by farts. I am the only female in a house with three teenaged sons, a middleaged husband and two male dogs (the cats dont seem to offend) so I am bombarded by farts. Someone here is farting on someone or their property. Now that its winter and the windows and heat is on its pretty stenchy here. I go seek refuge in the washroom!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:28pm.
Jack - I beg to differ. The orifice that that gas emits from also emits the poop!
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Ah... and once again, no different than the shit that comes out of her mouth. Sorry, I can't stand Whoopi.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
lolol Sucky you should cut down on your consumption of onions and sweat. Try switching to Schweddy-free Balls
Jack - I beg to differ. The orifice that that gas emits from also emits the poop!
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:15pm.
Farting is natural. But no in public!!
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Taking a shit is natural, too. But not particularly interesting or funny to anyone over the mental age of 5.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
I fart a lot less now that I don't drink as many carbonated beverages. Just a little tip, from me to you.
Hot air... no different than what comes out of her mouth.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Haha that was a fart all right!
Just what I needed on this miserable gloomy afternoon :o)
lately my farts smell like sweaty onions, does this mean I'm dying? (your answer: hopefully) ok that was really mean......
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Yes...Everybody does it...HOWEVER I take extreme issue with people who make the act of it a damned spectacle. Unlike here where, fart happens, person says something about fart, then everyone moves the fart on. But for those who jut their asses out, lift legs, spread cheeks, or any other kind of Fart For Art rendition, will be mowed down by me and placed in my very own dutch oven.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:11pm.
What are you guys like five years old? Everybody farts.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Not the bloody Queen, matey. She can't tax anyone on it so she doesn't bother.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Silent but deadly are THE worst & nm dutch ovens!!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
THHHHHFFFFFFFFFFFPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS
SSSSTCHHHHHHHHHHQQQQQ??????????????
you know what I'm talking about?
that fart that ends with a question mark sound?
like your asshole is asking you a question?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
She is vomitrocious. She farts so much because she eats nothing but garbage and no vegetable ever makes its way past that big yappy mouf of hers. I'd like to see her on that diet makeover show where that british lady analyzes your turds. Guess she's ok wearing Andre Leon Talley mumus for the rest of her days.
I had heard that Whoopi admitted to Dr. Oz that she farts "all the time". I chew my food really well and very rarely fart or burp (of course, it could be the food I eat as well). But I always feel it coming and can clench and release strategically to have it silently escape. Loose anus, Whoopi?
Farting is natural. But no in public!!
In other words, to paraphrase Whoopi on Roman Polanski, "It wasn't a FART fart."
~~~Tttthhhhhwwwwwwaaappppppp~~~
That's much better now!
GG, are we talking physically or mentally? ;p
Farts are funny. I have the iFart app on my phone and my kids love it.
What are you guys like five years old? Everybody farts.