BREAKING (WIND) NEWS: Whoopi Farts On The View?
Some hos who really know me know that nothing takes me higher like a highly important story about butt burps, so a few emails with the subject "WHOOPI JUST FARTED ON THE VIEW" farted their way into my inbox after I watched Whoopee ALLEGEDLY let out a loud air kiss through her asshole. But I need to see receipts! Unless Whoopi's got a mic clipped to her anus lips (very possible) or her butt boom traveled all the way to her mic, I don't think we'd able to hear her fart that clearly. It looks to me like Whoopi was about to ask Claire Danes a question when her lips got twisted and made a BRAARRGHGHGH noise. Then Whoopi played it off like it came out of her ass. The View's spokeswhore said that it was just joke and Whoopi only pretended it came from her. How low can Whoopi go?! Bitch is asslip-synching now? If we can't trust Whoopi to give us an authentic fart, how can we trust her at all?
That said, that fart-like sound was way more interesting than anything that has come out of Elisabeth Hasselcrack's mouth, so they should just play that sound every time she talks.
And if you need me, I'll be making room on my living room shelf for all the Pulitzer Prizes I'm going to get for this post. More like Pullmyfingeritzer Prizes.