Farrah Fawcett just reincarnated herself so that she could drop dead again and roll into a new grave.
Courtney Stodden, the 16-year-old child bride of 51-year-old Doug Hutchinson who makes Ali Lohan look like the freshest newborn in the nursery, stretched out her 15 seconds of fame by taking her tits to a plastic surgeon so that he can examine them and tell the world they’re as real as the terror you feel when you watch her in interviews. Dr. Gabriel Chiu is a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who has slipped nearly 10,000 pairs of plastic titty bags into chests and he tells Radar that Courtney’s chichis are made from organic materials.
“In my professional opinion Courtney Stodden does not have implants. Her breast are 100 per cent natural and organic. I did four tests to determine that she has not. I looked and carefully examined the four areas where someone would normally have a scar from surgery – the armpit, aureole border, the belly button and the fold under the breasts, and Courtney did not have any scars. If you know how to look for the scars you can find one and I did not find a scar.
I did a breast examination and Courtney’s felt like normal breasts. If someone has implants either below or on top of the muscle you can squeeze and felt the implant moving around but I did not feel implants in Courtney.
There is a test where a patient holds their palms in front of their face and pushes their palms together. If there are implants they will rise, but when Courtney did the test, her breast did not rise. No implant was identified.
When a person with implants lies down the implants will stay perky, they won’t fall and if they’re put in through the armpit they will ride up but when Courtney laid down neither happened. Her breasts fell like natural breasts do.”
Does it really matter if Dr. Chiu is telling us that Courtney has farm raised titties even though they look like they’re filled with silicone from the Turkey region in 1995 (that was not a good year for silicone, obviously)? Does it also matter if Courtney gets a scientist to tell us that she’s not a geriatric alien made of the discarded facelift skin of Real Housewives who bases all of its human mannerisms on old porns from the Spice Channel? It doesn’t even matter if this is a publicity stunt (which it is), because I can’t stop watching. I’ve always wanted Christopher Guest to write an entire movie based on Jennifer Coolidge’s character in Best in Show and this is the closest thing to it!
I already linked to this yesterday, but in case you haven’t seen it yet, please watch Courtney tweak the hell out during an interview with E!. Doug is like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs and Courtney is what he would look like if he finished that woman suit before Jodie Foster shot his ass down.