The Hobo Is Mine!

July 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Let’s analyze this picture of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux out in NYC last month. Is that an authentic hot memaw in the middle of them, or could it be the wicked Angie Jolie after downing a potion that turned her into a peddling grandma who will put Aniston to sleep with a poisonous apple (or a viewing of Changeling) so she can snatch that bitch’s man? InTouch Weekly (via Hollywood Life) thinks the latter is true.

The story goes that while rock climbing in the tower of her evil castle with the leader of her child army, Angie Jolie asked him, “Maddox, Maddox on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” Now, you know Maddox is not above twisting the truth into lies in order to keep the drama going, so he answered non-nonchalantly, “Oh, you know, that one who always has stray toy cat whiskers on her Mr. Potato Chin. Yeah, that trick.” Lightning struck (aka Brad’s dumb ass turned on the lights to ask Angie if she’s seen his favorite bong), thunder boomed (aka Brad’s dumb ass bumped into the wall after turning off the lights, because he has trouble finding doorways in the dark) and Angie made a vow to finally DESTROY THE THE CHIIIIIIIIIIN!

Angie’s first move towards drowning Aniston in a pool of tears, pie filling and cat drool involves working with Justin Theroux. The source explains, “[She] is actively trying to set up a project on which she and Justin would work together. She has been a fan of his for a few years, but she certainly wasn’t in such a hurry to work with him before Jen started dating him. Her timing is suspicious…

A different source says that Jennifer knows what’s going on, “The mere thought of Justin working with Angelina sends her into a tizzy; if it actually happened, it could destroy her. Stealing one man from Jen was bad enough, but stealing two would be the coup de grace.

You just have to HAHAHAHA at this whole mess. Angie trying to wrap her eight clitoricles around Justin Theroux so that she can drag him into a den of Aniston’s miserable wails?! I mean, really. Why would I not be surprised if Jen, Angie, Brad and a creative writer meet every Saturday afternoon in the back room of a deli in The Valley to come up with this shit together.

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