Tony Romo Beat Jessica Simpson To The Altar
Somewhere in California, Papa Joe Simpson is furiously gluing the beads on Jessica Simpson's bridal pasties while yelling at the team from Spanx to make her wedding dress faster, because he needs to marry off his daughter in the next few days so that she gets the cover of all the magazines and Tony Romo doesn't! As Jessica bawled into a bowl of cake soup, her ex-boyfriend Tony Romo married Chace Crawford's sister Candice in front of 600 people in Dallas, TX yesterday. Yes, a professional football player married a pageant queen turned news anchor in Texas. The theme of the wedding was obviously: STEREOTYPES! I hope Candice loves a mug full of chardonnay in the morning, because ho is a Kathie Lee Gifford in-the-making.
People reports that after Tony took at least 20 minutes to lift the veil over his bride's head (it took about 19 minutes to clear her forehead) for their wedding kiss, their guests ate short ribs and pizza in the reception tent. The guests also got a gift bag that included: a Neiman Marcus gift card, assorted treats from Great One Cookies, a Mix of the Month CD by DJ Lucy Wrubel, a miniature bottle of Moet champagne, a box of Dude Sweet Chocolates, gourmet popcorn, chips and salsa, "Killer Pecans" from Bandera Foods, Voss bottled water, and an assortment of Kiehl's beauty and body products.
That gift bag is pretty fitting, because I'm sure that last night Jessica's gold digging fiance Eric Johnson used her Neiman Marcus credit card to buy canary diamond cuff links while she sat in the changing room, dipping tear-stained cookies into champagne and salsa.
I can't wait to see the pictures of Chace Crawford throwing precious flutters with his eyes down the aisle. Who needs a flower girl when you've got Chace Crawford?
• 
Wow. Baby brother Chace definitely got the looks in that family. Jesus.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Submitted by LaChaylo on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 12:37am.
Don't like either of these entitled fools. Dallas doesn't give a rat's ass about them.
____________________________________________
No kidding! There has been very, very little coverage of the engagement and the wedding. Hell, Jessica and her pink "9" jersey got more news play.
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 12:34am.
Hi CheeryBitch - I'm in Dallas, too, and YES Dude Sweet Chocolate is the SHIT!! And props to you for being a Saints fan - I hate the Cowgirls, but I LOVE the MAVS!!
Don't like either of these entitled fools. Dallas doesn't give a rat's ass about them.
I'm in Dallas, here's this bitch's take:
1.) She chose the menu saying she 'had a lot of football players to feed' and needed 'guy food'. Having worked in a top Dallas hotel that hosted football teams in town to play the Cowgirls (I'm a SAINTS fan; WHO DAT!), I don't blame her. I've seen the food inventory. Those guys can EAT!
2.) Tony is dull as dishwater, but he gets plenty of tail. It's pretty well known that he's a playah. Curious to see if he can keep his pigskin in the locker room.
3.) Gift bags at a wedding? It's not a child's birthday party. TACKY!!!
4.) BUT.... Dude, Sweet Chocolate chocolates are the bomb-get-in-my-face-diggity BEST!!!
5.) It bugged for a while, but I figured out what's 'wrong' with his face. His eyelashes are practically non-existant.
I agree with others here, Chace is definitely the prettier sister.
Gator needs his gat you punk-ass bitch!
Sort of a fugly looking couple. She certainly did not get Chace's fancy good looks.
She looks like she pulled that face and then had them fill her face full of enough botox so that her expression won't change until 6 months after the divorce.
Where have I been? I thought Tony and Jessica were still dating.
This girl is very generic looking to me. Pretty but generic.
I like the gift bag idea. Not practical for the average person, but it sounds like they had a nice fun wedding that had meaning to them.
Bitch is busted.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 5:53pm.
After a careful review of her face and head shape, add horns and she's the perfect devil. I know she's not UGLY, but to me she is....
______________________________________
I thought she was much better looking in the past but I was wrong, her head shape is very pointy. Chace is definitely the better looking sister.
---------------------------------------
What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
They are a seriously spectacular set of tits.
Love what I can see of the dress, too. Damn the lack of shoe pics.
He looks like the guy who handles the Motor Vehicle claims at the local insurance company several hours into Friday night drinks.
Mmmmmm... why does "champagne and salsa" sound so yummy?
After a careful review of her face and head shape, add horns and she's the perfect devil. I know she's not UGLY, but to me she is....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
His hair is just fucking stupid.
-------------------
What's up, douchebag?
Submitted by pollyhatesthekettle on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 11:28am.
She really looks like a skinny Jessica Simpson to me. Strange..
xxxxxxxxxxx
And a plum or curvaceous Carrie Underwood
Submitted by vegaschick on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:33pm.
Aw, congrats to them. I'm just hoping I get run over by a mack truck before I'm forced to read about fat ass Kim K's wedding
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I fear this is going to be worse than Kate & William. E, TMZ, CNN and Yahoo are going to be all over it. I can just see Yahoo News starting a count down lock, articles about Kim's journey and struggle finding a soul mate, a guest book for the public to sign.................
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 1:31pm.
Angie is a guy??? Hey, those northern farmers are supplying the food served in those fancy restos. He should relocate out by the airport.
Speaking of towns with massive strip clubbage by the airport, Tony Romo is a nice, solid QB. Other than a few key picks, the Cowboys' probs can't be laid at his feet. He is, however, terribly bland and dull--you might say beige.
I live in Dallas. This breaks my little Cowboys heart. I love some Tony Romo -- I admit. Fucker's hot. At least she's kind of a nobody and not another celebrity.
She is normally beautiful when her hair covers her large forehead. I hope he doesn't break her heart in a few years since athletes are known as compulsive cheaters.
This Chase Crawford in drag ho does have a RiRi style 10 head for sure. There is no way Romo bangs this without thinking of Chase. Ok, so like Mrs. Patrick Campbell says, are there any nude pics of this particular gay man available?
"Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen." -- Woodie Guthrie
andrea zuckerman just doesn't seem to get any older.
-just an angry guy with a bag of (raul duke's) dicks
When did Tony Romo turn into a child molester? He has a really creepy, pedo look in that picture.
I want to like this guy but:
1)I hate that goddamned smirk.
2)He's a Cowboy $%*&)
So am I the only one kind of hoping that chace and tony get the honeymoon suite and the blushing bride gets the room service staff?
scoffy
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 1:07pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:42pm.
I know a psychologist working in the prison system who worked as an exotic dancer all through school, to pay her tuition. So it's not impossible.
I didn't realize Angie's paid that well. A state school, right?
********
HA! Yes, a state school.
Mr Angie is sitting pretty right now. There's all sorts of development, professional buildings, orthodontists, banks, klassy restos etc. springing up around his err..establishment. The municipality is tearing its hair out, trying to get him to sell his land (or find a way to expropriate it) so they can tear that eyesore down. It's very off-putting for the fine folks emerging from the nice resto across the road to be met by the naked neon lady and tour buses full of drunken farmers from the northern part of the province :O
************
Ya, but Jessica Simpson will probably beat him to the Superbowl.
Submitted by RLF on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 1:08pm.
Stepford wife if I've ever seen one. No one said Tony Romo was deep. Her face literally lacks soul.
----------------------
Sums up what I was thinking but couldn't put down in words.
Pale TITS, nom nom nom
He looks really stupid and boring.
----------------------
"There is something the matter with you, Caprice...Something is the matter with YOUR VAGINA!"
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:42pm.
I know a psychologist working in the prison system who worked as an exotic dancer all through school, to pay her tuition. So it's not impossible.
I didn't realize Angie's paid that well. A state school, right?
Stepford wife if I've ever seen one. No one said Tony Romo was deep. Her face literally lacks soul.
Romo would make a good Mahoney in the Police Academy sequel.
----
"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Submitted by salacious on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:48pm
I once saw an incredibly silly Tv program in which one character brought chilli dogs to a wedding reception. Laughed until I shot lemonade from my nose.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:42pm.
I knew a girl who worked in a topless bar in Japan. There, she found a filthy rich lover to support her even after she returned to the US. He paid for plastic surgery, a blue merc (pink slip in her name), an apartment on Sunset Blvd., and two years of college tuition.
Unfortunately, she fell for the guy. It ended in tears-girlfriend just didn't have enough whore in her to make it work.
OT: Are gift bags necessary for a wedding? If the food,entertainment and cake are good, and the thank-you notes are sent swiftly, why bother giving top-shelf treats? Seems like a bribe to attend or something!
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:54pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:42pm.
She could provide the entertainment at the reception too!
Then she'd be too tired for the honeymoon. Discussing books and all
****
Hahaa...ever the pragmatist!
************
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:42pm.
She could provide the entertainment at the reception too!
Then she'd be too tired for the honeymoon. Discussing books and all.
salacious on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:46pm.
What, only Pizza and ribs? No corndogs?
WORD. Meat on a stick is always the pièce de résistance in the upper-crust, top-drawer circles of society. How they missed that crucial "Ta da! We've got corn dogs too!" moment is beyond the scope of my fog brain.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:34pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:29pm.
I dunno, but I plan to remarry as soon as I find a stripper with a PhD
******
Really? She could provide the entertainment at the reception too!!!!! :D
Hey, in the Mail there was a piece on law students who were stripping to pay their way through law school.
I know a psychologist working in the prison system who worked as an exotic dancer all through school, to pay her tuition. So it's not impossible.
--------------------------------------------------
Most of the strippers I've met were a little conceited, and not all of them are beautiful or even pretty. In fact, the most beautiful women I've ever met were not strippers.
What, only Pizza and ribs? No corndogs, chili?
I'm getting hungry.
----
"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
This guy is such a douchebag. I predict he'll be caught cheating on her with another blonde bimbo in a couple of years.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:34pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:29pm.
I dunno, but I plan to remarry as soon as I find a stripper with a PhD
******
Really? She could provide the entertainment at the reception too!!!!! :D
Hey, in the Mail there was a piece on law students who were stripping to pay their way through law school.
I know a psychologist working in the prison system who worked as an exotic dancer all through school, to pay her tuition. So it's not impossible. ;)
************
boobies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"yes, bitch - it IS caused by global warming."
vegaschick, Kris Jenner put it out there that 15 year old Kendall is on Birth Control. I shit you not. HOW embarrassing for that kid?
Kim K's wedding and divorce will be televised.
*********************************************
It took awhile to get me in, and I'm gonna take my time
Don't fight that good shit in your ear
Now let me blow ya mind
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:29pm.
I dunno, but I plan to remarry as soon as I find a stripper with a PhD.
Aw, congrats to them. I'm just hoping I get run over by a mack truck before I'm forced to read about fat ass Kim K's wedding.
Dolly D. I agree. If this woman thinks he will keep his dick in his pants because he married her, she is delusional.
*********************************************
It took awhile to get me in, and I'm gonna take my time
Don't fight that good shit in your ear
Now let me blow ya mind
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:17pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:12pm.
Whenever I see Jessica bouncing along with a new guy, I always think: What must it be like to be with a birdbrain?
Sexual napalm wipes out a forest of sins.
*********
Ahhh yes...I'd forgotten..the old "sexual napalm; (although I question that characterization of JS, cuz John Mayer said it. He looks like he'd scream and come if you unzipped his pants)
But I digress..sexual napalm and brains are not mutually exclusive concepts..so why would a smart guy pick a birdbrain?
*stroking chin* *sipping tea*
************
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 12:12pm.
Whenever I see Jessica bouncing along with a new guy, I always think: What must it be like to be with a birdbrain?
Sexual napalm wipes out a forest of sins.