Mad Mel And Child

BABY IN A TURTLENECK ALERT! I’ve seen Ryan Seacrest in a turtleneck so I should’ve known that they make turtlenecks in tiny people sizes but now I know it’s a for real thing. Add this into the shallow file of reasons to have a baby (right under “Because you can them after your favorite cocktail” memo). The adorable bundle of AWWWS in the baby turtleneck is Baby Lucia, the daughter of Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva. An adorable, innocent baby that is still years away from realizing that she would’ve been better off being raised by a jar of cold jacuzzi water than by two bat butt nuggets who are reinventing the word INSANE.

Here’s another picture:

Who knew Mel was so maternal. I bet he’s softly whispering into Baby Lucia’s ear, “Ask that boy if he’s Jewish.” NO. He’s saying, “Call him Sugar Tits.” NO. That was not necessary, because TMZ says these pictures were taken at Mel’s church in Malibu on Sunday afternoon.

The thing that bothers me the most about these pictures is that a tub of Baby Wipes is on the table. WET NAPS ARE NOT NAPKINS (No offense to Terrence Howard). One time I was at my cousin’s house and I asked her for a paper towel. The bitch handed me a Baby Wipe like nothing. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to wipe my hands with something that belongs on an ass. Err. Um. You know, just take a Baby Wipe to this entire paragraph and forget everything I typed.

UPDATE: I sit on my ass corrected! Those are Wet Ones on the table, which I’m told are totally different than Baby Wipes. So just pretend it’s Baby Wipes on the table and read my rant again. Then erase it again with a Baby Wipe, or a Wet Ones, or whatever the hell you want to use.