Casey Affleck Admits The Obvious

That whole “retiring from acting to start a career as a rapping hobo who houses a family of lice in his pits and a family of scabs in his dick bush” act that Joaquin Phoenix pulled 2 years ago was just that….an act. Casey Affleck, who documented Joaquin’s supposed fast crawl into the gutter, made this shocking announcement to The New York Times. Fill out your “I Feel So Betrayed” cards and slip them into the box outside of Casey’s office after class.

Casey says 99% of I’m Still Here is fake including Joaquin’s awkward, pube pulling interview with David Letterman. Casey claims that David was not part of it and genuinely believed that Joaquin’s brain had turned upside down.

The footage from “Joaquin’s childhood” that plays at the beginning of the movie was shot in Hawaii with a bunch of actors. Casey went on to say, “It’s a terrific performance, it’s the performance of his career. I never intended to trick anybody. The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind.”

I’m not sure if this makes me think that Joaquin is less crazy than before or more crazy. I’m going to go with the latter, because I’m Still Here is a peroxide job away from being Spencer Pratt’s life story. No sane bitch would do that shit on purpose.

Actually, I take that back. Joaquin might have the right idea. Let’s all stop bathing, act like dicks to everyone, snort a lot of lines, get fat, shit on our friends and hump on hookers…. And just when our family members are about to drop a 5150 on our asses, we’ll be like, “JUST KIDDING! I WAS ACTING!”