AC Slater Is Somebody’s Dad

September 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Mario Lopez has slipped on his spandex leotard and is pirouetting all over Burbank while singing “See, I’m not gay!!!“, because he is now a father! Mario tells his pimps at Extra that his girlfriend of the moment Courtney Mazza gave birth to a baby girl yesterday.

Unfortunately, Mario and Courtney didn’t do the right thing by naming her Jessie Spano. Mario and Courtney gave their daughter a name that sounds like it fell directly out of Teresa Giudice’s empty head. They named her Gia Francesca Lopez. This is what they had to say about becoming new parents:

“We are so overjoyed. What an amazing, wonderful and overwhelming experience to welcome our daughter into the world.”

I hope little Gia Francesca is enjoying a few moments of peace in the baby tanning crib Mario custom ordered just for her, because he’s going to wake her up at the break of dawn tomorrow with a blow horn.

Before Gia burps out her first goo goo ga ga, she’s going to know how to do a stomach crunch. Before Gia figures out how to pick her own nose, she’s going to know how to do a leg lift. Sorry, but no baby of Mario’s is going to have pudgy ass legs and a fupa! The term “baby fat” not exist in Mario’s world. Now start doing bicep curls with a Shake Weight Rattle, you lazy baby you!

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >