Mario Lopez has slipped on his spandex leotard and is pirouetting all over Burbank while singing “See, I’m not gay!!!“, because he is now a father! Mario tells his pimps at Extra that his girlfriend of the moment Courtney Mazza gave birth to a baby girl yesterday.
Unfortunately, Mario and Courtney didn’t do the right thing by naming her Jessie Spano. Mario and Courtney gave their daughter a name that sounds like it fell directly out of Teresa Giudice’s empty head. They named her Gia Francesca Lopez. This is what they had to say about becoming new parents:
“We are so overjoyed. What an amazing, wonderful and overwhelming experience to welcome our daughter into the world.”
I hope little Gia Francesca is enjoying a few moments of peace in the baby tanning crib Mario custom ordered just for her, because he’s going to wake her up at the break of dawn tomorrow with a blow horn.
Before Gia burps out her first goo goo ga ga, she’s going to know how to do a stomach crunch. Before Gia figures out how to pick her own nose, she’s going to know how to do a leg lift. Sorry, but no baby of Mario’s is going to have pudgy ass legs and a fupa! The term “baby fat” not exist in Mario’s world. Now start doing bicep curls with a Shake Weight Rattle, you lazy baby you!