Last year, adorable elf people Gael Garcia Bernal and Dolores Fonzi welcomed a baby son named Lazaro into this cruel, heartless world. You would think that a love affair between two magical elves would be filled with rainbows and empanadas, but according to TVyNovelas (via Guanabee) all is not well. Some source is saying that Gael has dumped Dolores and is accusing her of doing ho shit in the first degree.
Gael is about to summon the Maury gods, because he’s not sure if baby Lazaro is his or not. Gael has been hearing that Dolores fucked around with film director Luis Ortega right before she got a case of the babies. So there’s a chance that Luis’ sperm made baby Lazaro.
While reading this scandalous shit, I felt like I was lying on my abuelita’s bed watching one of her precious novelas. I was about to speak out, but remembered if I open my mouth during one of her favorites stories I’ll get a slap in the teefs from her ring-covered hand.
And if this plays out like one of my abuelita’s novelas, then Lazaro will turn out to be the switched baby of Dolores’ long-lost evil twin sister who lives in a trailer at the carnival.