I Am Amy Fisher’s Biggest Fan

You’ll also cross all your body parts and declare you’re Amy Fisher’s superfan after reading this quote she gave Page Six about how she’s planning to tour the country’s finest truck stop strip joints as a “high-paid” titty shaker. Note: high-paid to Amy is a $10 off coupon to Food 4 Less and a 5-pack of Natty Ice.

The Long Island Holita said, “I love to dance, and I’m an exhibitionist. I am going to take this road until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on. You’re too old.'”

Amy not the one who got it in the face, right? I mean, thinking she has fans?! Even dudes in prison would rather jack off to a toilet floater than this ho! But seriously, I am her biggest fan! I have her mug shot over my toilet and I’ve memorized every line in Casualties of Love. That being said, I am begging her to put on a fucking Hazmat suit. Bury it! Roll around in dirt! Jump in a tub of bologna! Do anything to cover yourself. Nobody wants to see your Buttafuoco!

P.S. – You can cancel that phone call to Bellevue you were about to make to have me committed for saying I’m Amy’s #1 fan. I was lie-telling for the sake of humanity. But I wasn’t lying about knowing the lines in Casualties of Love. Alyssa Milano was a revelation.