Would You Hit It?

And that picture is your cue to feel jealous toward fame digger Amber Heard, because she gets to catch gingivitis of the puss while Johnny Depp eats her out with those shit-covered teeth as she stares at her newly upgraded diamond.

Here’s Johnny Depp wearing the hot sunglasses your 75-year-old auntie bought at Marshall’s in 2001 while leaving the set of his new movie Sunglasses At Night: The Jack Nicholson Story. No, Johnny is currently playing murderer crime boss White Bulger in a biopic that’s shooting in Boston right now. This is pretty much what I see when I see pictures of Johnny Depp out of costume. I’d take Johnny Depp looking like Gollum’s methed-out grandpa over Johnny Depp looking like a bloated vampire who works as a photographer at the old timey photo shop at Knott’s Berry Farm.

So yeah, I’d hit it and I don’t even care that his teeth look like half-digested butt corn. That’s what his teefs normally look like, right?

Pics: FameFlynet

Would You Hit It?

Professional troll James Franco threw up this topless selfie on Instagram this morning (and quickly deleted that bitch) and it’s obvious that this is HIGH ART and it’s his way of commenting on Instagram’s censorship of RiRi’s nipples. Franco will follow it up with a 14-hour-long documentary and a portrait of a poem about nipple censorship that he tattooed on an actual nipple.

Where to begin?

THAT FACE! Dude looks like he’s strung out while suffering from the sicks. That’s probably the same face he makes when he’s jacking off while sick with the flu. It’s the “I don’t feel good but I’m going to fap because I can’t lie in this bed and not touch myself” face.

THOSE STICKERS ON THAT PHONE COVER. Just because James Franco loves teenage girls, doesn’t mean he has to have the same phone cover as one.

THAT BODY. All bloated and moist like an uncooked chicken… Stick some rosemary up his ass, rub herb butter all over his body and put him in the oven for an hour at 350 degrees.

THOSE CHONIES. James’ yellow panties tell me that he doesn’t shake after pissing and he wears yellow underwear to hide the pee stains.

If that picture was a scent, it would be smegma and dried dick cheese bits clinging to a sweaty dick bush.

In conclusion: Yes, yes, I’d hit it.

via ONTD

Would You Hit It?

Just like Betty White, Mickey Rourke’s leather tits and Grumpy Cat’s grumpy face, Paul Rudd just keeps getting finer and hotter with age. Paul Rudd is that friend’s geeky older brother who used to fart in his own hand and smell them and talk about video games all the time (if you replaced “video games” with “House Hunters,” I think I just described myself), and when you see him 10 years later, he’s suddenly hot and you just want to give him a hand job in the bathroom while catching up.

Here he is struttin’ his ass in Cabo last Friday. I’d hit Object of My Affection-era Paul Rudd, so of course I’d hit this Paul Rudd. It even looks like Paul Rudd has one of those fur patches above his ass, so you’d have something to grab onto when he’s hitting it from the front.

Pics: FameFlynet

Would You Hit It?

Here’s certified douche and The Slow One’s piece Lord Scott Isadick struttin’ his ass through a Rite Aid parking lot in Calabasas, CA yesterday and either he stuffed a Pez dispenser in his waistband or that’s the outline of the dick that co-made the next generation of Kardashians that Pimp Mama Kris will pimp out. Yes, that could be a stunt peen molded after Khloe Kardashian’s klit since I’d like to believe that his peen is usually hiding up in his ass crack out of shame for spawning with a Kardashian, but I doubt it. That’s his peen. And yes, yes I would. I would. Don’t make me say it in a regular font size. I can’t. It’s only Monday and I’ve already admitted that I would with a Kartrashian’s ho. It usually takes me until at least Monday afternoon to eat rock bottom. Well, I guess it’s never too early to admit that I don’t love myself and I didn’t come equipped with standards.

Pics: Splash

Shocking News: Charlie Sheen Is An Inconsiderate Ass Sore

Seen above giving me a visual interpretation of my Sunday hangover, the mutated crack pipe-induced mouth blister Charlie Sheen is once again making his co-workers contemplate breaking into his trailer to soothe their splintered nerves by stealing and smoking his stash of crack. The Hollywood Reporter brings us the shocking and surprising news that working with Charlie Sheen is as good for your blood pressure as going to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon is. No, I’m still not over that shit.

A source tells THR that Charlie has missed a few days of shooting on his show Anger Management and it’s screwing with the schedule. They somehow made it two thirds of the way through their 100-episode order, but the show’s studio Lionsgate still had to push shooting past what they had planned and some scenes have been shot with Charlie Sheen stand-ins (a Charlie Sheen stand-in either looks like this or this). The cast is pissed and telling the producers that they’re going to stop showing up for work if Charlie Sheen keeps no-showing. But Charlie’s spokeswhore says that THR’s source is a liar and the show hasn’t used stand-ins.

A Lionsgate spokesperson declined to comment on the situation. Sheen’s publicist, Jeff Ballard, denies that the show has used stand-ins or shot around the actor. “We did not shoot last week because another member of the cast was sick,” the rep tells THR. “Charlie is always ready, willing and able to shoot Anger Management and looks forward to returning on Monday.”

What’s really shocking about this whole thing is that Charlie Sheen managed to shoot over 60 episodes of that wreck without having to use all his “sick” and “mental health” days because he was arrested after the cops found 4 dead hookers in his trailer. Ray Donovan is real and pays a visit to the Anger Management set at least every other day. But what does the cast of Anger Management expect?! Did Selma Blair not teach them anything?! When you sign up for a Charlie Sheen show, there’s a 100% chance you’ll inhale second-hand crack smoke at least once a day and there’s an even bigger chance that Charlie Sheen will declare a snow day a few times a month and by “snow day” I mean he’s too coked up to come in.

Would You Hit It?

Even when Jennifer Garner’s ex-husband Scott Foley was a 20-something on Felicity, he looked like somebody’s hot 40-something, yuppy dad who drove a dark green Jeep Cherokee, had two golden retrievers named Chip and Buddy, only wore Dockers on the weekends, said “Yellow!” when he answered the phone, knew all the words to every Eagles song and would peck you on the forehead after doing missionary sex under the sheets with the lights off. And here he is 20 years later and he still looks like the middle-class father in every Nicholas Sparks book.

Scott Foley took off his top to sell towels and bed shit for Charisma. There’s something “JcPenney underwear section circa 1995″ about him, so yes, I’d hit it and I’d even hit it under the sheets with the lights off while he sang “Peaceful Easy Feeling” out loud.

via E! News