Bombshell Is Sorry

This is rich! Or should I say, this is reich! Bombshell McGee is the one who made this mess public when she sold her tales of the Vanilla Gorilla to InTouch Weekly for $30,000, and now she’s throwing Sandra Bullock a flurry or “I’m sorries” for MAKING THIS PUBLIC!

This is the kind of bitch right here that will shank you in the asshole in front of everyone, watch you cry as your anus bleeds, and then hug you while telling you she’s so sorry. Dies hündin!

In an interview with Australia’s TodayTonight, Boobshit barfed out this nonsense: “I do feel guilty. I feed bad for Sandra. Wait, she doesn’t have any Jewish blood in her, right?”

No, she didn’t say that last part, but she was probably thinking it. Boobshit went on to say, “I’m sorry for your embarrassment. I’m sorry all this is public. I’m sorry for everything. She must be hurt, devastated, upset, embarrassed. I want to give her a heartfelt apology. I’m sorry for her embarrassment and pain. I do feel really bad about it. I feel like I was duped just as much as Sandra was. I feel like I was lied to just as much as she was. If Jesse was upfront with me in the beginning, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Yes, I’m sure Bombshell cried a million tears of guilt when she deposited that $30,000 check into her account at the National Bank of Dumb Whores (my bank of choice). If Bombshell was a self-respecting whore with a drop of class, she wouldn’t have went public. She would’ve simply rang up Vanilla Gorilla and demanded a dumpster load of cash in exchange for her silence. Didn’t she watch Dynasty as a child?!

Obviously, Bombshell did it more for the publicity than the money. Don’t you miss the days when whores weren’t also famewhores? Sigh.

And I’m truly sorry for posting yet another picture of this rainbow of diarrhea. That was a heartfelt apology.

via E! Online

Sandra Bullock Is Taking Care Of Vanilla Gorilla’s Kids

TMZ is hearing that Jesse James’ three chirruns aren’t living with him or their mothers. Apparently, they are staying with Sandra Bullock. What does it all mean?!!!!

This is close to being a side-eye situation, because Vanilla Gorilla shares custody of his two older kids with his first wife. VG has primary custody of his younger daughter Sunny, because her mother Janine James lives in a halfway house. Sandra’s rep recently said that she has zero plans to adopt VG’s three kids.

Some seem to think that this means Sandra is open to welcoming VG back into her jungle. But maybe she’s taking care of the kids, because it’s hard for them to do their school work and play with their toys when daddy’s blasting “Horst-Wessel-Lied” from his bedroom.

Hopefully, Cinnabun snuck into one of the kids’ suitcases and is now chilling at Sandra’s safe house.

Vanilla Gorilla Does Not Have A Sex Tape

Sandra Bullock has already come out and said that you need to look elsewhere for a Nazi and scat-filled fuck tape (hint: Mel Gibson’s attic), because she never made one with Vanilla Gorilla.

Yesterday, Vanilla Gorilla released his own statement denying the existence of ANY fuck tape starring him. There was a rumor floating around the toilet that VG made nearly a dozen tapes with several of his side-hos. VG burps to People that it ain’t so:

“The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated.”

Isn’t fabricated a strange word? Obviously, it makes me think of fabric, which makes me think of Jo-Ann’s, which makes me think of Butterick patterns, which makes me wonder if they ever made patterns for Nazi uniforms. VG would know. But I’m digressing again…

So there you go. NO SEX TAPES. Class is released. You can go back to not giving a dick.

There Is No Sandra Bullock Sex Tape, So Says Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock has unzipped her lips for the first time since the Nazi bomb dropped to respond to the rumor that she made a dirty, filthy, kinky, raunchy sex tape with her husband Vanilla Gorilla. In a statement to People, Sandra said:

“There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one.”

Sandra didn’t say anything about the 12 fucks tapes Vanilla Gorilla allegedly made with his mistress whores. She only responded to the rumor about her supposed sex tape with VG.

So those of you sick asses out there who have been patiently awaiting a Nazi-themed sex tape featuring Miss Congeniality getting a Dirty Sanchez need to stop waiting. Actually….you can keep waiting…in the nearest therapist’s office.

Of Course: Vanilla Gorilla Has Tons Of Sex Tapes

Don’t be surprised if you see an infomercial late one night for Time Life’s complete collection of Vanilla Gorilla’s Nazi-themed fuck tapes, because apparently he made tons of them. Why is that we never get sex tapes featuring hos we actually want to see bumping and boning (I’m staring at you, Mah Boo and Rojo Caliente)?

Some source type tells Radar that VG shot more than a dozen sex tapes with several of his side-whores. A few of the tapes are currently making the rounds on the auction block.

When this story first broke, a bunch of us joked that VG probably gives the Nazi salute when he’s hitting it from the back. Well, we might not have been far from the truth, because the source says that the sex tapes are filled with Nazi shit. The source said, “What I saw was a naked woman on her knees and Jesse in a Nazi hat waving his arm in a salute. It looked like the woman’s hands were bound. He was shouting and singing and appearing to swig from a bottle of bourbon every now and then.”

Vanilla Gorilla needs to go back to Nazi school, because Hitler liked to sip from a silver cup filled with freshly squeezed naranja juice while getting a beej. Not bourbon.

Radar’s source didn’t say anything about any sex tapes co-starring Sandra Bullock, but there is a shitty (literally) rumor going around that such a tape exists. Take the rumor with an entire Morton Salt Factory, because the tape apparently features a Dirty Sanchez, a shotgun, handcuffs and a Nazi hat.

At this point, I really wouldn’t be surprised if we learned that this entire Nazi-ery spectacle is being produced by Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock. This is seriously the worst fucking show ever.

Lock Up Your Tattooed Nazi Daughters!

The Vanilla Gorilla is on the loose! Maybe. A source close to Jesse James tells Star Magazine that he has checked out of sex rehab after only one week. Jesus Christ obviously performed his one Easter miracle by curing VG’s peen of its hunger for the vag.

The source went on to say that VG left Arizona’s Sierra Tucson very recently and is currently hiding out at a friend’s house. The source added, “All of Jesse’s pals have been talking about it. It seems Jesse just isn’t that serious about rehab after all.”

Who knows if this has anything to do with the moving trucks that were spotted outside of Sandra Bullock and VG’s house in Seal Beach, CA.

Apparently, VG only shuffled off to rehab to save his marriage, so maybe he bounced out of there when he realized that Sandra is going divorce his STD-ridden ass anyway. Or maybe VG’s peen dragged him out of there when he was told that he couldn’t….you know….fuck in rehab. That’s a boner breaker.