Aubrey O’Day Makes It So Easy

If you’ve ever wanted to taste Aubrey O’Day’s creampie, you’re disgusting! But in addition to being gross, you’re also in luck because she now has her own milkshake over at Millions of Milkshakes in Los Angeles. Aubrey O’Day lives to pose with whipped cream like it’s a dollop of man milk, so thankfully for her a place like Millions of Milkshakes exists!

Aubrey followed up her computer-generated bukkake ad for Millions of Famewhores by creating a milkshake named after her. Aubrey’s delicious cup of wart puss contains milky sweat from Diddy’s over-moisturized nutsack, coagulated silicone from a leaky implant, two drops of red dog dye and one bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil. One sip of it will send you into ecstasy. One sip will also send you to quarantine by order of the Department of Health, but at least you’ll have one second of pleasure before that happens.

The launch party for Aubrey’s blended creampie brought out the likes of her tortured dogs, Quinton Aaron from The Blind Side, a pervy Elmo, and some refined royal lady who stopped by before meeting the Queen at Buckingham Palace for Hot Toddies (see last thumbnail).

Matthew Fox Is The Josh Duhamel Of 2010

The soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize winning The National Enquirer has struck again! They are officially the most feared bitch amongst cheating ass husbands. Joey Greco just faked stabbed himself.

In their latest issue, they say that Lost’s own Dr. Jack allegedly stepped out on his wife of 18 years Margherita Ronchi with a 26-year-old titty dancer he met while filming a movie in Bend, Oregon. The stripper in question, Stefani Talbott, not only spilled the jizz to the Enquirer, but she also ran off to InTouch too. Hey, when life gives you a married celebrity, you fuck that bitch and then sell your story to anybody who waves a dollar at you. The new wall-to-wall carpet in your townhouse is not going to pay for itself.

Stefanie told the Enquirer, “Yes, I’ve been having an affair with Matthew Fox. We had sex together. I’ve kept voice mails and text messages from him.”

Their romance first bloomed like a 1-day-old genital wart, when she caught Matthew’s eye while she was thrusting her snatch on stage at Stars Cabaret. Stefanie told InTouch about the beautiful moment, “I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited. He asked me, ‘Why are you working in a place like this?’ I told him that I am a single mom and needed the money.”

Isn’t that just the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard? It’s like that part in West Side Story when Tony first laid eyes on Maria at the dance. But instead of snapping fingers, Stefanie’s snatch made the cash register sound.

Later that night, Stefani left her 5-year-old kid with the baby sitter and met Matthew at his rented home to consummate their love. Stefani said, “He didn’t tell me to keep it a secret or anything. He didn’t even use protection. (Ed note: Pregnancy announcement in 3…2..) He didn’t seem concerned at all.”

For the record, Matthew’s rep denies the story and says it is made of lies.

Only dumb ass Jack would cheat on his wife and leave behind electronic evidence! Sawyer would be smart enough to hit it, quit it and forget it! Ben would immediately turn back the wheel of time. Locke would scare the stripper into secrecy by staring at her for about 10-seconds. And the Smoke Monster, well he’s a snob, so he would never tap a stripper.

And since we’re on the subject of Lost, can I just tell you how happy I am to see that one of Brit Brit’s old swap weaves is still getting work:

(Claire pic via Videogum)