Category: Matthew Fox

Matthew Fox Is Off The Hook For Punching A Party Bus Driver

May 31, 2012 / Posted by:

Heather Bormann, the party bus driver who accused Matthew Fox of one two punching her in the poon and titty area mysteriously withdrew her case against him back in April. And we’re hearing about it just a few days after Dominic Monaghan became the baddest Hobbit in the Shire for blatantly saying that Matthew Fox regularly whoops on women. Hmmmm… Interesting, right? If we were all on the Lost island and this moment was directed by J.J. Abrams, we’d all open our eyes really big and then the music would swell and shit before the screen goes black. Then that Bad Robot bitch would pop up while some dude says some shit like, “Later on Jimmy Kimmel, Jessica Alba…” Yes, it’s THAT suspicious.

Entertainment Weekly says that Heather’s lawyer pulled the case in April, because she didn’t pay his bill and didn’t give him all of the information he needed to move forward. TMZ says that Heather can’t file the lawsuit again and her lawyer claims that Matthew Fox didn’t pay her off. Heather’s lawyer also tells TMZ that she was a pain in his taint and that’s why he dropped her. He believes that Heather stopped cooperating, because Matthew Fox’s team of lawyers threatened to go all out in their war against her.

Ho, please. Matthew Fox obviously kept Heather’s lips shut by sealing them with a check. Or….maybe Heather didn’t want to barf up the terrifying memories of a drunk Jack from Lost upper cutting her in the cooch. Nobody wants to relive that shit. It sucks that this mess isn’t going to trial, because I was really hoping that all the hos from Lost would be called as character witnesses. It’d be like a Lost reunion!

Shots Fired: Dominic Monaghan Accuses Matthew Fox Of Being A Lady Beater

May 29, 2012 / Posted by:

For the past year or so, Matthew Fox has quickly shown his true colors as a bona fide cunt menace to humanity by having a one-sided boxing match with a party bus driver’s poon, among other things. And now his old co-worker from Lost, Dominic Monaghan, has fully called him out on Twitter for being a full-time resident of WhoopinAssville. Not even a part-time resident. A full-time resident who files taxes there and everything. It all started when Dom had a little Q&A on Twitter and one of his followers, ‏@omggbeccaa, asked him to “holla” at Matthew Fox to get a Twitter. If Dom had a filter, he spit it out and cared not one fuck when he answered with this:

@omggbeccaa he beats women. No thanks.

@omggbeccaa must’ve thought Dom was talking about the party bus beat down, because she told him she knows it was wrong, but what about all those good times they had together. Dom continued to spill enough tea to keep Celestial Seasonings in business forever:

@omggbeccaa how do you know we ever did?you don’t know either of us.he beats women.not isolated incidents.often.not interested.

When others told Dom that he better sit on his fingers before Matthew Fox stops slapping women to use his hands to slap Dom with a lawsuit, the hobbit didn’t back down:

@Fate815 @omggbeccaa an accusation is when you”claim” someone did something wrong.i know.but hey little fan girl maybe want to get slapped

@Fate815 @omggbeccaa around by him? Daddy issues? Blinded by the nice haircut? It’s never okay. Maybe you have lower standards.

@Fate815 @omggbeccaa and it’s very difficult to sue someone for speaking the truth. Have you received an education dear?

Dominic hasn’t had a case of Twitterer’s remorse and hasn’t taken a Magic Erase to all his claims, because his Tweets are still up. Every now and again the celebrity world surprises my ass and this is one of those times, because I can’t believe a celebrity has Tweeted his mind without caring about staying neutral and shit. If I could, I’d get on my knees and blow on air kiss right into Dom’s face for that. I kind of believe this too. I knew Matthew had asshole running through his veins when he punched a party bus driver’s tits. It’s called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists.

Source: CDAN via Jezebel

Would You Hit It?

May 21, 2012 / Posted by:

You’re probably thinking, “But what is IT?!” Please, like your slut ass is ever choosy. No, this isn’t a still from the remake of G.I. Jane starring Madonna. This is DUI-getting, titty-boxing, “We have to go back to the island“-shouting Matthew Fox from Lost. Yeah, this Matthew Fox:

Matthew Fox put muscles on his muscles to play a cage-fighting crazed murderer in Alex Cross. If you dipped Matthew Fox in Tang smegma, he could also play Hulk Hogan’s peen in a movie. If you stuffed Matthew’s chest with two rubber medicine balls, A-Rod would totally chew that ass up. I swear, if one of Madge’s roided-up arms yanked itself off her body and ran off to become an MMA fighter, it would look like Matthew Fox. I bet sucking on Matthew’s shredded peen would be like trying to chew on a piece of gristle without your teeth on.

And to answer my question, no, I wouldn’t hit it. Well, the bitch hits back and in the titty area, nonetheless.

Matthew Fox Got Busted For DUI

May 7, 2012 / Posted by:

The smoke monster needs to come and get his bitch, because Matthew Fox is still a dumb drunk of a mess.

In “dude really needs to go back to the island” news, Matthew Fox was arrested near his home in Bend, Oregon on Friday morning for driving under the influence of the sweet nectar. TMZ says that Matthew and a passenger were on their way to fill their drunk bodies with some delicious grease at a fast food place when the police pulled him over. Matthew was taken in at around 3:23 in the morning and released a few hours later. There are no other details about his arrest.

The only detail I need to know is whether or not Matthew Fox had that pepaw goat beard on his face at the time of his arrest, because that mess is obviously the root of all his problems. I understand being ten shades of drunk and craving a mound of deep fried lard. We’ve all been there. But is a cheeseburger really worth the risk of crashing into another car or getting arrested? I had to think about that for a few seconds, but the answer is NO! Order a pizza, bitch, or get one of your kids to ride their Big Wheel down to the McDonald’s for you. Matthew needs to go down into the hatch and stay there until he is capable of making good life choices. Take Amanda Bynes’ dumb ass with you.

On a positive note, at least he didn’t commit vagina abuse this time.

Matthew Fox Officially Charged With Poon Punching

August 31, 2011 / Posted by:

Before we get back on Matthew Fox’s Dharma party van of pussy punches, I should let you know that mug shot isn’t really Matthew Fox and has been around for years. I know. I wish that after Matthew allegedly right hooked a trick in the tit, he wept like a strained turtle whose head is too fat to hide in its shell during his mug shot session.

CNN says that prosecutors in Cleveland have charged Dr. Jack Shepard with assault for acting like a drunk assbag when he threw fists at a (to be read in the slurry voice of a boozed bitch with a party yard long cup in hand) PAAAAAAAARTY BUUUUUS driver when she refused to let him on. The party bus driver Heather Bormann said that Matthew punched her in the legs, but his fists eventually ended up on her chichi sacks and coochie zone. Heather turned off Matthew’s punches by fisting him in the face. Matthew was detained by the police that night but quickly released. Prosecutors took pictures of the bruises that Matthew left on Heather’s arms and legs. Matthew has said nothing about this so far.

Let’s see. Jin was busted for DUI. Libby was busted for DUI. Ana Lucia was busted for DUI. Mr. Eko was busted for driving without a license. And now Matthew Fox. The LOST curse will never leave the island! The smoke monster, that dead polar bear, Sawyer, Hurley, Ben and the others better keep their fists in their ass cracks and act right on the PAAAAAARTY BUUUUS or this could be them! I’ve heard that Kate can’t get even get arrested in this town, so that bitch is safe. Lucky for her.

via UsWeekly

Matthew Fox Might Have Punched A Party Bus Driver In The Tits

August 29, 2011 / Posted by:

File this under: Now this mess should’ve been the real ending to Lost.

Jack Sawyer (real name: Matthew Fox) is currently shooting a movie in Cleveland, Ohio, and on Saturday night he was all ready to party like he’s going back to the island but not everybody was down with his plan. TMZ says that Matthew was trying to get on a private party bus even though his ass wasn’t on the list. The bus driver tried to party block Matthew and refused to let him on. Heather Bormann said that Matthew must’ve been drinking too many of those Dharma-tinis, because he was every kind of drunk and had no idea what she was saying.

When Heather tried to get him off the bus, Matthew allegedly used his Party of Five fingers to punch her in the chichis and then followed it up with a fist to the gunt. Heather says that he kept crotch punching at her so she had to stop his fists from flying by punching him back in the jaw. Matthew fell back as he spat up blood. Heather said she did it in self-defense and to stop drunk Matthew from giving her black and blue nipples.

Matthew was handcuffed by the police but never arrested. They released him to a friend who took him back to the hotel.

Unless you’re on the Chris Brown Party Bus, what kind of asshole tries to fist a vag and turns a pair of titties into punching bags? Well, I guess we’re living in a world where Jack’s new saying is “Live together, drunk punch pussies and titties alone.”

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