Gone Girl Has Another Trailer

We’ve been talking about this Gone Girl movie for so damn long that I really thought it came out months ago, whores already had a meltdown over the new ending and I finally watched it a couple of weekends ago on Starz while drunkenly channel flipping. What I’m saying is that I have the memory a a stringy piece of goldfish shit and that Gone Girl hasn’t come out yet. That shit doesn’t come out until October and Fox’s marketing department is slowly dragging out its advertising plan, because they know that every time they release one, little thing about this shit, crazy whores who loved the book will start scrapping with crazy whores who hated it. Over the weekend, they released a few evidence bag posters promoting the second trailer which came out today. Yes, they’re giving us posters for trailers now and soon there will be trailers for posters for trailers for posters for trailers for posters for trailers for posters, because anticipation is a drug.

Sadly, the second trailer doesn’t show us more of Ben Affleck running like a fat kid with diarrhea trying to get a toilet before his ass explodes, but the second trailer does show a lot more including lots of Casey Wilson, Sela Ward and Doogie Howser as the Aaron Carter to Rosamund Pike’s Hilary Duff. And Ben’s face is really punch-able in this trailer, so he did his job! But then again, when isn’t Ben’s face punch-able?

And if YT rips that trailer down, click here to see it.

The “Gone Girl” Trailer is Here

When I read Gone Girl, I don’t really remember who I pictured as  the main dude Nick. Maybe I pictured Three’s Company-era John Ritter. But as  Amy, I pictured Goopy Paltrow (which explains why I punched every other chapter), which is strange, because Goopy Paltrow playing an upper middle-class wife living in Missouri is like Charlize Theron playing a lesbian serial killer with double chins. But Rosamund Pike as Amy in the first trailer for Gone Girl looks pretty spot-on. And Ben Affleck as an aloof shit bag of a husband who only cares about himself is perfect, because he’s pretty much playing Ben Affleck.

But I’m shaking my head no at David Fincher using the Elvis Costello song that was used in Notting Hill. I kept waiting for Ben to stop and saying, “I’m just a boy…” And the best part of the trailer is at the 1:24 mark when Ben’s running. It’s like he’s got the wet shits in a bad way and is trying to keep his ass from exploding everywhere.

Gone Girl Knocks Off John Lennon & Yoko Ono For The Cover Of Entertainment Weekly

The movie version of Gone Girl starring Rosamund Pike, Ben Affleck, Tyler Perry (NO PUEDO!), Neil Patrick Harris, Missi Pyle and Carrie Coon doesn’t come out until October, but when Entertainment Weekly asked director David Fincher for a little EXCLUSIVO sneak peek, he made their nipples hard by offering to shoot a cover himself. This is that cover. It’s just Ben Affleck cuddling up to a woman who’s dead inside. That’s your cue to shoot back with a joke about how it’s like one of his private pictures with Blake NotSoLively.

David Fincher tells EW that he got into Gone Girl, because he’s drawn to unlikeable characters and all of the characters in that shit are so damn unlikeable that you just want to repeatedly punch them in the face or tie them down in a chair and repeatedly fart in their face while you eat Taco Bell. (Actually, I kind of liked Amy. “You would” – you)

“I don’t know what ‘likable’ is. I know people who are doting parents, who give to charity, drive Priuses, all those things, who are insufferable assholes. I like people who get shit done.”

David Fincher also said that the movie’s not going to stay one hundred percent true to the book and they’ve changed some things. I’m taking that to mean that they’ve changed the ending and at the very end we’ll find out that Nick Dunne is really Batman.

And if you haven’t read the book, you’re probably looking at that picture and thinking it’s about corpse sex. Close!

Rosamund Pike Is Gone Girl

I usually only read a book if it was written by the Hemingway of our time, Katie Price’s ghost writer, (I’ve read all but 2 Katie Price books and even Harvey Price would be filled to the top with shame if he admitted that) but I read Gone Girl and I read it in two days. This is a shock considering that it took my ass at least three days to read Goodnight Moon. While reading Gone Girl, I pictured Goopy Paltrow as Amy (yes, my imagination hates me) and James McAvoy’s head on James Marsden’s body (if that makes sense, which it doesn’t) as Nick. So when it was announced that Ben Affleck would play Nick, my brain shat out a question mark. Ben Affleck is not Nick to me. If in the Gone Girl movie, we find out that Nick was an Easter Island statue brought to life by an evil fairy, then Ben as Nick would make sense, but other than that, noooope.

In the book, Nick’s ass is older than Amy, so I figured David Fincher, who’s directing that shit, would cast Judi Dench as Amy. That didn’t happen. The Hollywood Reporter says that former Bond Girl Rosamund Pike got the role of Amy. Apparently, Rosamund beat out Abbie Cornish, Olivia Wilde, Emily Blunt, Natalie Portman (????) and Charlize Theron. THR also says that Neil Patrick Harris and Tyler Perry are in talks for supporting roles.

At this point, the only casting that makes sense to me is Rosamund Pike. Ben Affleck, Neil Patrick Harris and Tyler Perry? The hell? I’m guessing that NPH is going to play the creepy rich man child and Tyler Perry is going to play a detective. I hope The Hollywood Reporter got it all wrong. I hope Rosamund Pike was offered a different role and Tyler Perry’s going to play Amy as Madea. Gone Madea is some shit I’d totally watch.