So It Looks Like Cameron Diaz Is The Adam Sandler Of This Year’s Razzie Nominations

The nominations for the Academy Awards’ snarky couch-dwelling little sister (yes I just pictured Angie Tempura), the Razzies, were announced today. Usually I’d be beyond excited from all the warm feelings wrapping themselves around my little cold heart from reading the word “worst” so many times, but unfortunately I’m a little disappointed. No Most Underwhelming Performance nomination for Ben Affleck’s peen in Gone Girl? No Worst nomination for. No Worst Busted Wig for Jennifer Aniston in Cake? No Worst Onscreen Couple nomination for Kim and Kanye Kardashian for any video from their wedding?

But they did manage to recognize all the terrible work Cameron Diaz did this year, and that’s something – because she truly did some embarrassing shit in 2014 (and I’m not talking about humping on Benji Madden). Cammy D got two nominations for Worst Actress for The Other Woman and Sex Tape, one Worst Supporting Actress for Annie, and one Worst Screen Combo with Jason Segel for Sex Tape. And yet no nomination for Worst Screen Combo for Cammy and her vocal cords in Annie? Come on guys – that seems like a pretty obvious oversight.

Also receiving nominations for Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Screen Combo was Rod Flanders’ human equivalent Kirk Cameron and his film Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas. Somewhere in Heaven, Jesus just high-fived God and said “Good. Saving Christmas was the worst birthday present I’ve ever received.”

The whole list of nominees is after the cut, including a new category called the Redeemer Award, which is exactly as WTF as you can imagine.

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The 2014 Razzie Award Nominations Are Here!

Today is just like Christmas morning for me. Did the Razzie committee bring me everything I wanted? Let’s see! Oh my god, a Worst Supporting Actress nomination for Kim Kardashian in Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor? No way! What a great way to follow-up the Worst Supporting Human award she’s nominated for every day. Wait, whats this? Did I get two Lindsay Lohan nominations? Hashtag: blessed! And is this…8 nominations for that pile of shit Grown Ups 2! Uh oh, I feel light headed; I must be getting high from the overwhelming smell of garbage that’s filled my living room. God bless you, Razzie committee!

But the Razzie nominations left something behind; where’s the Worst Supporting Actress nomination for Cameron Diaz in The Counselor? When I was a kid, it used to be that weaving in and out of a vague accent, dressing in head to toe Body Central, and dry humping a car was a guaranteed Razzie nomination, but I guess times have changed. Don’t worry Cammy; I’m sure you’ll get a nomination next year for Annie.

The entire list of nominees is after the jump!

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And Now I Really Want To See That Princess Diana Movie

Before the critics had seen Diana starring Naomi Watts as Prince Hot Ginge’s mother and Sayid from Lost as Dr. Khan, some were predicting that she would get her third Oscar nomination. But now that the first reviews from the British press are out, it looks like the only nomination she’ll get is for a Razzzie. Don’t you just love it when a Razzie bites at Oscar bait.

The trailer for Diana makes it look like an ABC movie of the week from the late 90s that was shot in 10 days and should’ve starred Meredith Baxter-Birney as Princess Diana. It looks terrible and the reviews say that it is. Digital Spy and HuffPo put together the best of the worst reviews and the British critics went in and tore that mess apart. Here’s the ones that made me run over to Fandango to buy my ticket NOW!

Naveen Andrews, playing Khan, looks as if he’s just stumbled on to a movie set while Watts (last seen in the execrable Movie 43) displays little of Diana’s nervy fragility. Despite a peroxide hair-job, she looks, sounds and acts nothing like the Princess of Wales. Wesley Snipes in a blonde wig would be more convincing. – The Daily Mirror

Poor Princess Diana. I hesitate to use the term “car crash cinema”. But the awful truth is that, 16 years after that terrible day in 1997, she has died another awful death. This is due to an excruciatingly well-intentioned, reverential and sentimental biopic about her troubled final years, laced with bizarre cardboard dialogue – a tabloid fantasy of how famous and important people speak in private. – The Guardian

There are a number of lines you never, ever want to hear Diana, Princess of Wales say, and they include: ‘I love feeling your hand there’, and ‘Yes, I’ve been a mad bitch’. Even when these lines are delivered by the fragrant Naomi Watts, doing her level best with a squirmingly embarrassing script, this film is still atrocious and intrusive. – The Times

Up until now, I never knew that what I really need in my life is to see Noxeema Jackson in a Princess Diana biopic. Thank you for that, The Daily Mirror.

Here’s future Razzie nominee Naomi Watts and her son arriving in Paris today.

Pics: Splash

The 2011 Razzie “Winners” Announced!

When I typed “raspberries” into one of the photo agency databases, this picture of the First Lady of New York, Sandra Lee, with a plate of Pissbury (Freudian slip that is staying) Cinnamon Rolls, sweetened Elmer’s glue and thawed out frozen raspberries came up first. It seemed like the most fitting image to go with the winners list from this year’s Razzie Awards. Because if anybody knows how to sweeten a semi-digested raspberry floating in a toilet, it’s Sandra Lee!!!!

Last night in Hollywood, the most-anticipated awards show of the season took place and lo and fucking behold, The Last Airbender and Sex and the City 2 were the big winners (aka losers)! The Last Airbender, a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, won 5 golden dingle trophies including Worst Picture of the Year. SATC2, a menopause rash scraped off of SJP’s ass, won three awards including Worst Ensemble.

Normally, I’d whip out my shank at anybody who disrespects Mrs. Rojo Caliente, but she’s not innocent in this attack on humanity. Even I can agree on that. Besides, that gold-plated trophy will look extra special next to the gleaming garden of copper wires on Rojo Caliente’s head. It’s a win! And here’s a list of 2010’s worst of the worst:

WORST PICTURE
THE LAST AIRBENDER

WORST ACTOR
Ashton Kutcher / KILLERS and VALENTINE’S DAY

WORST ACTRESS
The Four “Gal Pals” / SEX & THE CITY #2
(Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon)

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Alba / THE KILLER INSIDE ME, LITTLE FOCKERS, MACHETE and VALENTINE’S DAY

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Jackson Rathbone / THE LAST AIRBENDER and TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

WORST EYE-GOUGING MIS-USE of 3-D (Special Category for 2010!)
THE LAST AIRBENDER (Released in “Fake 3-D”)

WORST SCREEN COUPLE / WORST SCREEN ENSEMBLE
The Entire Cast of SEX & THE CITY #2

WORST DIRECTOR
M. Night Shyamalan / THE LAST AIRBENDER

WORST SCREENPLAY
LAST AIRBENDER Written by M. Night Shyamalan,
Based on the TV series created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Brian Konietzko

WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF or SEQUEL (Combined Category for 2010)
SEX & THE CITY #2

And now we know that the true killer inside MiserAlba is her acting skills. Spy Kids 4 starring MiserAlba is coming out soon, so it looks like she’s well on her way to topping her 2010 record. I can’t wait.

Congrats to all the Razzie recipients! They are the real winners in my bowels.

Eff The Oscars, The Razzie Nominations Are Here

The Razzies, which dishonors the Heidi Montags of the film world, nominations were announced this morning, and something tells me the Twitards are holding an emergency meeting in front of the Hot Topic at the mall to discuss how they are going to handle the fact that RPattz was nominated not once, but twice! This news is giving the Twitards the opposite case of panty pudding, which I do believe is butt pudding. They’re going to need a bigger Twilight diaper.

Sandra Bullock also got a Razzie nomination for All About Steve. So there’s a good chance she could get a Razzie one night, and an Oscar the next for that feature length Campbell’s Soup commercial.

Here’s some of the nominations. Transformers: Revenge of Megan Fox’s Acting and Land of the Lost tied for the most nominated with 7. This year, the Razzies will also name a worst actor and actress of the decade. Since I’ve seen more Razzie nominated movies than Oscar nominated movies, I’ve highlighted my picks. The things Sienna Miller is going to do with her golden dingle award!

WORST PICTURE OF 2009
“All About Steve”
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
“Land of the Lost”
“Old Dogs””
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (a.k.a. “Trannies, Too”)

WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, “Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience”
Will Ferrell, “Land of the Lost”
Steve Martin, “Pink Panther 2”
Eddie Murphy, “Imagine That”
John Travolta, “Old Dogs”

WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, “Obsessed”
Sandra Bullock, “All About Steve”
Myley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Megan Fox, “Jennifer’s Body” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Sarah Jessica Parker, “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”

WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, “The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience”
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, “All About Steve”
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or “Comic Riff,” “Land of the Lost”
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Whatz-His-Fang, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, “Bride Wars”
Ali Larter, “Obsessed”
Sienna Miller, “G.I. Joe”
Kelly Preston,”Old Dogs”
Julie White (as Mom), “Trannies, Too”

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Hugh Hefner (as himself), “Miss March”
Robert Pattinson, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), “Land of the Lost”
Marlon Wayans, “G.I. Joe”

WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE
“Battlefield Earth” (2000)
“Freddy Got Fingered” (2001)
“Gigli” (2003)
“I Know Who Killed Me” (2007)
“Swept Away” (2002)

WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck – “Daredevil,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Paycheck,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Surviving Christmas”
Eddie Murphy – “Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “I Spy,” “Imagine That,” “Meet Dave,” “Norbit,” “Showtime”
Mike Myers – “Cat in the Hat,” “The Love Guru”
Rob Schneider – “The Animal,” “Benchwarmers,” “Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo,” “Grandma’s Boy,” “The Hot Chick,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” “Little Man,” “Little Nicky”
John Travolta – “Battlefield Earth,” “Domestic Disturbance,” “Lucky Numbers,” “Old Dogs,” “Swordfish”

WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – “Glitter”
Paris Hilton – “The Hottie & The Nottie,” “House of Whacks,” “Repo: The Genetic Opera”
Lindsay Lohan – “Herbie Fully Loaded,” “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck”
Jennifer Lopez – “Angel Eyes,” “Enough,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Maid in Manhattan,” “Monster-in-Law,” “The Wedding Planner”
Madonna – “Die Another Day,” “The Next Best Thing,” “Swept Away”

Click here for the full list