The Murder, She Wrote Reboot With Octavia Spencer Isn’t Going To Happen

Bad news for anybody who lives near Angela Lansbury. You’re going to have to protect yourself under a full body umbrella when you leave your house, because Angela Lansbury is not going to stop squirting out a geyser of victory over the news that NBC has decided to put the Murder, She Wrote reboot back on the shelves. NBC has decided to put all their time, energy, cash and powers of butchery into rebooting Father Dowling Mysteries with Dane Cook and Whitney Cummings instead. I’m joking. I hope.

Octavia Spencer was supposed to play a Jessica Fletcher-type who works as a hospital administrator by day and solves mysteries during her off time, but that’s not going to happen anymore. Deadline says that NBC has spared Octavia Spencer from that bad idea and have decided to put to the side for now. The main hos at NBC decided to spend some time on the reboot and spin it into a new concept. Yeah, that’s their story, but you know they decided to shred it into peacock food after they all left a restaurant together one night. As they were waiting for their cars, ice cold fear crawled up their spines and they suddenly felt the uneasy anxiety a brat feels when they make the mistake of crossing their abuelita. They all looked down the street and there behind the wheel of her parked Kia Soul was Angela Lansbury waving a switch at them. Nothing will make you change your life choices like a mad old grandma waving a switch at you from behind the wheel of her Kia Soul.

Angela made it crystal cunt clear that she’s spitting on the reboot and the whole idea made her want to cut a whore with her knitting needle. NBC says they’re going to try the reboot again, but they won’t.  They learned a lesson. Never fuck with Angela Lansbury.

Angela Lansbury: Still the boss bitch of Hollywood.

(GIF via WFMU)

The Original Jessica Fletcher Shits On NBC’s Reboot Of Murder, She Wrote

When it was announced that NBC is pulling Murder, She Wrote (aka the show of choice for oldies in the 80s to fall asleep to) out of the retirement home and young-ing it up by casting 43-year-old Octavia Spencer in the lead, I got the scareds, because I figured it’s only a matter of time before those evil whores in Hollywood remake Golden Girls and young up that flawless masterpiece by casting a bunch of young whores. (Note: I’m wrong for putting that idea into the universe and I will murder a bitch with a cheesecake if that happens.) Just like Golden Girls, the whole point of Murder, She Wrote is that Jessica Fletcher is a seasoned beauty. Angela Lansbury agrees and told AP that she thinks NBC shouldn’t call it “Murder, She Wrote,” because it’s a show that cannot be duplicated.

“I think it’s a mistake to call it ‘Murder, She Wrote,’ because ‘Murder, She Wrote’ will always be about a Cabot Cove and this wonderful little group of people who told those lovely stories and enjoyed a piece of that place, and also enjoyed Jessica Fletcher, who is a rare and very individual kind of person … So I’m sorry that they have to use the title ‘Murder, She Wrote,’ even though they have access to it and it’s their right. I saw [Octavia] in ‘The Help’ and thought she was absolutely wonderful, a lovely actress. So I wish her well, but I wish it wasn’t in ‘Murder, She Wrote.’”

NBC is probably going to call it “Murder, She Wrote On Her Facebook Status,” (since Facebook is for the olds only) so technically they’re granting Angela’s wish.

Deadline says that it’s kind of funny that Angela has sharpened her shank and pointed it at the NBC peacock’s neck, because when NBC decided to remake Murder, She Wrote, they immediately told her people that they want her to be a part of it. Octavia isn’t playing Jessica Fletcher, so they want Angela to bring her character back. NBC also hasn’t decided if they’re going to name it Murder, She Wrote or not.

If Deadline is spitting out the truth, then Octavia isn’t going to play Jessica Fletcher and NBC might not even name this shit Murder, She Wrote? So it’s basically just a show about a lady who solves murders. They just used the Murder, She Wrote name to get attention and to piss Angela Lansbury off. I don’t really blame the NBC execs for that, because you really haven’t lived a full life until you’ve gotten an e-mail from the desk of Angela Lansbury that reads, “I will cut you cunts wide open for this.“