Sean Spicer Tapped For “Dancing With The Stars”

We all knew that just because Sean Spicer quit those bitches at The White House, he wasn’t going to go gentle into that good night. Spicey is ready to cash in his chips and get that paper now that he’s been unchained from his podium in the fortress of solitude, or wherever he’s been hiding out these past few months. Sean hasn’t been wasting time either.

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I’m So Excited! I’m So Excited! I’m So Excited…That Nomi Malone Is Knocked Up

Not since Jessie Spano overdosed on meth pills has her insides been this EXCITED!!! about anything. Elizabeth Berkley told TMZ yesterday that sometime this summer she’s going to thrust thrust thrust out her first baby with her artist husband Greg Lauren. Yes, Greg Lauren is the romance novel cover beauty in the picture above. The wind is always blowing in Greg’s luscious mane, his eyes are always sparkling like he can see the sun setting in your eyes and it’s always 5 o’clock on his beard area. Nomi chose well.

Nomi’s mouth birthed out this block of cheese about her baby news:

“In life there are moments you cherish forever and this is one of them. We are so excited to share this moment and special news! The baby is due this summer”

If Nomi doesn’t name her kid “Versacye,” I will never forgive her. I will also never forgive her if she doesn’t have a pool birth and get Kyle McLachlan to be her lamaze partner, so they can recreate the pool flopping scene from Showgirls. AKA the greatest scene in the history of fine cinema.