Category: Mark Wahlberg
One Of Marky Mark’s Victims Thinks He Should Be Pardoned
PARDONED FROM THE PLANET!!1!!
No, Johnny Trinh tells The Daily Mail that even though Marky Mark has never said sorry to him, he doesn’t hold any grudges and thinks the furious Cha-Ka of New England should get that pardon. Johnny also says that Marky Mark’s fist didn’t blind him. He lost his eye while fighting for the US during the Vietnam War. The Daily Mail says that Johnny is speaking out about the attack for the first time, because he thinks people should know that he forgives Marky Mark.
Marky Mark Wants A Pardon For Viciously Attacking Two Men In 1988
Before Marky Mark was a multi-millionaire movie star, chronic mother greeter and delusional, sanctimonious douche rash of Hollywood, he was a drugged-out teenage menace to society who partially blinded a man during an attack in Boston in 1988. Marky Mark wants the Governor of Massachusetts to pardon the assaults, because he’s changed his criminal ways and is a do-gooder now. Pardon me as I roll both of my eyes at Marky Mark, which is not something his victim can do.
By the time Marky Mark was 16, he was already a cokehead and was sued for throwing rocks and racial slurs at a group of black kids. When he was 16, Marky approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man carrying booze and screamed some racist shit at him before hitting him in the head with a 2X5 stick. Marky hit him so hard that the man lost consciousness and the stick broke in two. Marky and two friends later attacked a second Vietnamese man by punching him in the face while calling him racial slurs. The man lost sight in one eye. Mark was convicted as an adult of assault and other charges and he was sentenced to only 3 months in jail. He only served 45 days before being released back into the wild.
Mark Wahlberg Lazily Instagrammed A Wedding Congratulations To His Brother
In either an inadvertently humorous response or a subtle “yeah, go fuck yaself, Donnie” to bitchery over his not attending his brother Donnie’s wedding to moronic child-endangerer Jenny McCarthy in NYC yesterday, Mark Wahlberg posted a video (below) to his Instagram of him and his million children congratulating them. He explains to those who care (*looks around, finds no one*) that he couldn’t attend because it was daughter Ella’s 11th birthday. (Right, Ella? Help Daddy lie now!)
Mark Wahlberg does very little for me. I have a psychic scar to explain it. When I was in high school, one of my best lady friends would make us drive past his Mom’s house every day after school in the hopes that he would be visiting and I guess naked on the front lawn. It was one town over from our school. This was back when he was “hot” (which was right after “racist” – er, I don’t think that’s what made him hot for her). One day he DID happen to be leaving his mom’s house, so my friend gunned it to follow him wherever he was going. It was bad enough that I wasn’t out of the closet in high school and was now in a car chase with a male teen idol and Calvin Klein underwear model for everyone’s future reference. But then she caught up to him at a stoplight. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life. I just stared straight ahead praying for death. I don’t even know what she did. He drove off while I was wondering if it would be possible to shove myself into her glove compartment out of shame. This explains my aversion to Mahk. Well, that and he comes off as an asshole.
That being said. I am so with Mahky Mahk on this one. I would have said it was the guinea pig’s birthday and they would have had to deal. Or I was getting the car washed. Or combing my pubes that day so they looked particularly fluffy and buoyant. Or “your bride has a child body count website dedicated to her.” That should suffice.