Marky Mark Wants A Pardon For Viciously Attacking Two Men In 1988

Before Marky Mark was a multi-millionaire movie star, chronic mother greeter and delusional, sanctimonious douche rash of Hollywood, he was a drugged-out teenage menace to society who partially blinded a man during an attack in Boston in 1988. Marky Mark wants the Governor of Massachusetts to pardon the assaults, because he’s changed his criminal ways and is a do-gooder now. Pardon me as I roll both of my eyes at Marky Mark, which is not something his victim can do.

By the time Marky Mark was 16, he was already a cokehead and was sued for throwing rocks and racial slurs at a group of black kids. When he was 16, Marky approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man carrying booze and screamed some racist shit at him before hitting him in the head with a 2X5 stick. Marky hit him so hard that the man lost consciousness and the stick broke in two. Marky and two friends later attacked a second Vietnamese man by punching him in the face while calling him racial slurs. The man lost sight in one eye. Mark was convicted as an adult of assault and other charges and he was sentenced to only 3 months in jail. He only served 45 days before being released back into the wild.

Mark wants a pardon. In his application, he left out all the racist stuff and said that he’s completely turned his life around and is really sorry for what he did. He says that he was high on marijuana (always blaming the good shit) and other narcotics at the time. The police found a little bit of weed on him at the time of his arrest. Mark squatted out this lump of dried bullshit in his application:

“I have not engaged in philanthropic efforts in order to make people forget about my past. To the contrary, I want people to remember my past so that I can serve as an example of how lives can be turned around and how people can be redeemed.”

Rather than ignore or deny my troubled past, I have used the public spotlight to speak openly about the mistakes I made as a teenager so that others do not make those same mistakes.”

Mark forgot to say that he should be pardoned, because he could’ve single-handedly stopped the 9/11 attacks. BAM. It’s not known if Mark asked for a pardon from the two victims.

Boston.com says that Mark wants the pardon, because he’s not the shit head he was in 1988 and his criminal record has kept him from “obtaining things like a concessionaire’s license—hindering his personal involvement in various restaurant ventures—and from obtaining positions in law enforcement to help at-risk youth.”

To get the pardon, the Massachusetts Parole Board would have to review the case and pass it on to the governor if they approve it. If the governor approves it too, he’ll pass it on to the Governor’s Council for final approval.

Boo hoo, bitch. I’d like most of Marky’s movies pardoned from existence, but that’s not going to happen. It’s not like this was some little robbery. A man’s half-blind because of it. But since Marky Mark is a rich celebrity, he’ll not only get the pardon, but he’ll get the key to the city for his troubles.