Category: Legal Eagles

Kim Kardashian And Van Jones Are Rumored To Be Dating

April 27, 2021 / Posted by:

CNN’s Van Jones looks to be the front-runner to win the upcoming season of Keeping Up With Kim Kardashian’s Kooch. According to Page Six, “A new burble’s coming out of the Kim Kardashian klub. Throats are clearing throats after whispering the name Van Jones,” which can only mean one thing — someone has had a stroke. Of genius that is! “Klub” is obviously code for Kooch. And Yahoo! reports that some of Kim’s recent posts on social media seem real bookish, suggesting a renewed interest in her law career which Van is said to have helped to nurture.

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Rudy Giuliani Quoted “My Cousin Vinny” As His Dye Job Quit Without Notice

November 19, 2020 / Posted by:

With the holidays approaching and the election over, this should be a time for Rudy Giuliani to finally catch his breath, tuck in his shirt, and start the arduous process of his annual exsanguination where his body is drained of the previous year’s fetid humors and replaced with fresh fluids painstakingly collected from veins of young virgins he keeps in his basement (Don’t worry, it’s totally legal, they signed something!). However, his boss has him working overtime trying to undermine the will of the American people and he’s malfunctioning.

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Three Judges Were Suspended For Getting Into A Drunken Brawl At White Castle, And Two Of Them Got Shot

November 13, 2019 / Posted by:

In America, we (allegedly) live under the rule of law. And the gatekeepers of those rules are highly educated individuals who spend years studying those laws so that we as a society can function in a manner that is fair and just for all (allegedly). Those individuals are judges. And they, more so than anybody else, are supposed to know the difference between right and wrong. Well, according to The Indy Star, three judges who don’t, have just been suspended from the bench for getting into a late night drunken fight that ended with two of them getting shot at an Indianapolis White Castle. Yes, I said INDIANAPOLIS! Florida, just enjoy this win and try not to gloat.

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