Category: Kim Davis
Pope Francis And Kim Davis Aren’t BFFs After All
A few days ago, bootleg Duggar and gay marriage hater Kim Davis was like:
“Big Papa Frankie – he lets me call him that – asked me out weeks ago and we had a beautiful long date and he told me he loved me, showered me with gifts and promised me that we’d be in each other’s hearts forever.”
Today, Pope Francis was like:
“Errr, yeah, we went out, but after 5 minutes, I acted like I had to go to the bathroom and left while blocking her number on my phone.”
We’ve all been there.
Pope Francis Really Did Meet With Kim Davis During His Visit To The US
Last night, a Liberty Counsel lawyer for Kim Davis, noted Kentucky fame whore and proud killer of gay marriage dreams, released a long ass statement claiming that Pope Francis invited her to meet with him during his visit to DC. Kim claims they hugged and he gave her and her husband two blessed rosaries. Kim Davis’ lawyer has lied about shit before. So when I read about her supposed meeting with the pope, I threw a squinty side-eye that said, “Uh huh, bitch, and Pope Francis also did a quick day trip to California to meet with me and we got drunk on Andre, messaged hot guys on Grindr and re-enacted our favorite scenes from Showgirls. I let him be the Cristal this time, because you know, he’s the pope.” Kim Davis’ claim that she met Pope Francis reminded me of when a girl in my 8th grade class told everyone that she met Zachery Ty Bryan from Home Improvement during a family vacation to the Virgin Islands and he asked her out, but she said no, because she had a boyfriend. Well, it turns out she was telling the truth. Kim Davis, not that girl from the 8th grade.
Kim Davis Has Been Freed
After being locked up in the clink for 5 days, Kim Davis, the clerk from Rowan County, KY who was found in contempt for not giving marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was released from her cell and is back to terrorizing the public with her grade F- eyebrow situation. I haven’t seen any pictures of Kim leaving jail yet, but I’m sure she’s got 3 teardrop tattoos on her cheek. Each teardrop tattoo represents a prison guard she got engaged to, had a baby with, married and divorced while locked up. It was a slow 5 days for her.
According to AP, U.S. District Judge David Bunning, who gave Kim her Go To Jail card, ordered her immediate release today, because five out of six of her deputies have been issuing marriage licenses to all couples while she’s been in jail. Mike Huckabee’s homegirl swears she’ll never resign, but she has agreed to take her name off of marriage licenses and let her deputies continue to issue them. Judge David let Kim know that she will go back to jail if she tries to fuck with the law again:
The judge’s order, filed Tuesday in U.S. District, says Davis shall not interfere in any way, directly or indirectly, with the efforts of her deputy clerks to issue marriage licenses to all legally eligible couples.
Davis had refused to grant licenses to any couples, gay or straight, since shortly after the U.S. Supreme Court effectively legalized gay marriage.
Bunning’s order says that if Davis should interfere in any way with her clerks issuing the licenses, “that will be considered a violation of this order and appropriate sanctions will be considered a violation of this Order and appropriate sanctions will be considered.”
Please, this circus is far from over. Now that Kim Davis has gotten a taste of the spotlight, she’s going to extend her 15 seconds and put on A SHOW! When the new Anita Bryant goes back to the office, the glorious golden hair wave of one of her deputies is going to deflate as she throws the doors open and declares all of her employees dork-sided traitors as she voids all marriage licenses before the police drag her back to jail kicking, screaming and praying. She’s going to give a campy tour de force performance. I just hope the cameras catch all of it, because I’m going to need to see the drag queens recreate it onstage.
That Kentucky Clerk Who Refused To Issue Same-Sex Marriage Licenses Is Going To Jail
Because some of you are messes, Kim Davis, that clerk in Rowan County, KY who won’t give marriage licenses to same-sex couples, has been the #1 Hot Slut of the Day request this week. As if I would ever. First of all, making Kim Davis HSOTD goes against my beliefs, because how can I pay tribute to a woman who would not marry me and my future sugar daddy? Second of all, I cannot pay tribute to a woman with struggle brows. Third of all, I cannot pay tribute to a woman who has blatantly stolen Annie Wilkes’ style game. But then again, I could be speaking from a place of jealousy since Kim Davis has gotten more dick than me. If anybody deserves to be HSOTD, it’s the lady with a blond hair wave of perfection who’s making an, “I’m not with her,” face in this picture:
If you don’t know about this story, then welcome back from vacationing under that rock. Ever since the US Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in every state on June 26th, Kim Davis, who was elected into the position of Rowan County Clerk, has refused to give marriage licenses because of her religious beliefs and “God’s authority” has told her not to. A federal court ordered her to do her job and issue marriage licenses to all couples or go to jail. Kim Davis spat on that order and so today, she went to court where the judge ordered her to go to jail until she starts issuing marriage licenses. via Kentucky.com
A federal judge ordered Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis jailed Thursday after finding her in contempt of court for ignoring his order to issue marriage licenses.
U.S. District Judge David Bunning ordered Davis to remain in jail until she agrees to comply with his Aug. 12 order. She was led from the courtroom by U.S. marshals just after 1 p.m.
Bunning also told five deputy clerks who work for Davis that they have until 1:45 p.m. to decide whether they will comply with his order to issue marriage licenses or join Davis in jail.
UPDATE: Five deputy clerks have told the judge that they will follow his order and begin issuing marriage licenses again. One clerk, who is Kim Davis’ son, is standing by his mom and is refusing ti issue licenses.
Kim Davis has said before that she’d rather go to jail than defy God. She testified for about 20 minutes today and talked about becoming a Christian. She responded with a “thank you” after the judge said, “Bye, Kim.”
We all know how this is going to go. Kim Davis is either going to resign or she’ll be removed from her position and at that point one of her supporters will start a GoFundMe page for her. That GoFundMe page will make Kim Davis a millionaire. I’ve seen this movie before.
Pic: AP