KFed Is Actually Making His Own Money

TMZ says that K-WellFed is trying to drop the chunk on the new season of Vh1’s Celebrity Fit Club along with his original baby mama Shar Jackson, Nicole Eggert and Bobby Brown. Yes, KFed and Bobby Brown in the same cast. Hell to the BARF! I really hope there are zero scenes involving Bobby Brown pushing out one of KFed’s shamu-sized doody bubbles. Poopoono.

I’m guessing that the executives at McDonald’s, Arby’s, Church’s, KFC, Taco Bell and (insert the name of every single restaurant here) are plucking out their nipple hairs over this in an emergency meeting. Because if KFed is off the deliciousness, that means their stock will plummet and cheeseburgers will sit untouched under the heat lamps for daaaaaays. This is not what the economy needs right now.

Well Fed Indeed

If you were in Coto De Caza, CA yesterday and wondered why there was a giant eclipse in the middle of the day, then you should know that it was just KFed passing through!

KFed was there for the Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Classic and Us Weekly says that everyone there cried “YOUARESOFUCKINFATTYFATFAT” when he showed up. One of the employees said, “Man, that’s a belly on him! That’s K-Fed?!?” Have these shocked people not been on the internet lately? KFed has looked like this for a while. Shit, I would look like that two if the most exercise I was required to do each week was to cash a check from Brit Brit. I’d spend my mornings at IHOP, my afternoons at In-N-Out and my evenings at Chili’s. So I can’t hate.

But maybe there’s a deeper reason for KFed’s massive gut over bagina? Maybe his powers of fertility are stronger than we thought. Maybe he actually grew ovaries (from eating too many Egg McMuffins) and got himself pregnant! It’s possible. And Brit Brit will be getting the bill for KFed’s new chirruns too. You better believe it.

And with all that being said, I’d STILL hit it. WELL, dude probably cums Bisquick and I like pancakes!

Cheetolings In Paris

Brit Brit is currently touring all through Europe and she took a little time to take her Cheetolings to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris. It’s nice that Brit Brit dressed up for the occasion, but homegirl still looks like your crackhead cousin trying to clean up for a wedding. You know, the cousin who even has a bad case of the sweats in winter time. What I’m trying to say is that Brit Brit looks beautiful as usual.

Yish, Brit Brit is allergic to bras. We know this. Her Slim Jim nipples don’t bother me anymore. I’m used to seeing them. I feel like we know each other. I could tell them my deepest secrets without fear. We’re like family. Shit, I’ve seen Brit Brit’s pokies more than I’ve seen my own nipples. And I think it’s high time that her weave star in a remake of The Swamp Thing. The role it was born to play.

I bet Brit Brit has no idea that she’s wearing a Star of David necklace. She probably just thinks it’s “purdy shiny blue star.”

Anyway, here’s more of Brit Brit and her boys in Paris tonight. I also threw in some pictures of K-WellFed with his girlfriend and the boys earlier today.

In other news, the City of Paris just announced that they are completely out of baguettes….and fries….and pastries….

KFed Works Hard For That Money!

I regularly toast successful panty peddlers for their hard work in the field of gold digging, but I always forget about KFed. And I shouldn’t. If KFed didn’t drop his Bisquick batter into Brit Brit’s Cheeto pot, he would probably be sneaking joints in the storage room at his day-job at Kinko’s instead of living the life. Look at his ass now! The dumb bitch has it made! While Brit Brit makes that Slim Jim money thrusting her twatty all over the UK, KFed is taking their Cheetolings to the Hard Rock Cafe. And the dude is getting paid for it! The best part is that he even came with a bodyguard and a nanny! That’s like getting paid to just eat, lay down and carry around a tiny Cheetoling every now and again. I swear.

Here’s more of KFed with the boys leaving the Hard Rock Cafe in London last night. I think the boys just ate cheesebugers and fries. KFed ate the whole kitchen.

KFed Is Hongray For More Money

When Oprah offered a free grilled chicken lunch for one day only, the site went down in a quick minute. All signs point to KFed, because he was probably refreshing and printing like crazy! Homeboy needs to get as much free chicken as he can since he’s basically running out of cash. How does Brit Brit expect a stoner like KFed to get in his 50,000 calories a day on only $40k a month?! Triflin’!

A source tells the National Enquirer (via MSNBC) that KFed gets $40k a month including $20k for the Cheetolings, but it’s still not enough for him. KFed is pouring BBQ sauce over that money and devouring it up! Both figuratively and literally! The source went on to say, “Kevin has blown through millions of dollars. When he and Britney divorced, Kevin continued the superstar lifestyle, and he spends all the money that he gets. Kevin can’t afford the rent, his help, the food and the booze it takes to keep up his home.”

Daddy Spears better open up Brit’s wallet and pay up, because when KFed gets the hongaries in a serious way, there’s no telling what he’s going to do! One of the Cheetolings could accidentally spill hot sauce on his shirt and GULP. Gone within seconds.

Here’s KFed and his piece terrorizing the streets of Vancouver yesterday. “I want mo monies and pie!”

Brit Brit & KFed Are Doing It Again

The two horny possums are at it again, so says Star Magazine. They claim that Brit Brit and KFed are bumping hog pits all over the place during her tour. I’m sure Brit Brit just can’t keep her Cheeto-covered paws off of KFed now that his chichis are bigger than hers. When he jiggles it, her twatty lips clap.

One source said , “It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can’t keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier.”

Brit Brit and KFed haven’t been too careful, because another source said his girlfriend Victoria Prince “caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.”

The source must have heard it wrong from Victoria. KFed’s hand was literally in a cookie jar filled with Nutter Butters. He thought he would be nice, so he brought Brit Brit a jar of NBs along with an economy-sized bag of pork rinds and some hot sauce. For old times sake.

You know how KFed and Brit Brit are both serious about their eats, so they got all nekkid, because clothes can be distracting when you’re trying to get down to business. Then when a little hot sauce fell on KFed’s fat titty, Brit Brit licked it off. It’s a scientific fact that hot sauce tastes better to hillbillies when mixed with a little underbooby butter. Victoria didn’t see any kind of wrong shit! She just saw too old friends bonding over their favorite pastime!

Image: Fame Pictures