Natalie Portman And Jonathan Safran Foer’s Emails Sound Pretty Much Like You’d Expect Them To

Famous (and according to some people, overrated) author and vegetarian Jonathan Safran Foer recently interviewed his friend Natalie Portman for The New York Times’ T magazine to promote his upcoming book, Here I Am, and her upcoming directorial debut, A Tale of Love and Darkness. Since Jonathan and Natalie are ~intelligent~ types, they decided to do it through a series of pretentious-sounding emails. If you ever read a GOOP.com newsletter and thought “You know, this would be so much better if it was written by an Oscar-winning actress who also really wants you to know that she went to Harvard“, then these emails are for you.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Is Going To Host A Dinner Party For President Obama At Castle Goopskull

If you’ve ever wanted to pay $1,000 to eat thimble-sized portions of imported red-crested tree rat tears and dehydrated organic purified air chips, now’s your chance! According to The Hollywood Reporter (via People) come-to-life corn broom Gwyneth Paltrow will host a fundraising dinner for President Barack Obama at her underground snob lair in Los Angeles next month. Which means that one month and one day from now, she’ll publish an article on Goop.com titled “Tips For Hosting A Casual Dinner Party For The President of the United States of America” and obnoxiously refer to him multiple times as ‘my best friend Barry‘.

But the party won’t be totally Goop-ified (aka there will be actual food and no one will be forced to watch Gwyneth do a 90-minute hip-hop-yogalates class with living haunted ventriloquist dummy Tracy Anderson). The event has been planned by the Democratic National Committee, and will begin with a reception at Castle Goopskull followed by a dinner where President Obama will answer questions from guests. Tickets cost between $1,000 and $32,400 per person. I bet there’s no difference between the $1,000 ticket and the $32,400 ticket. The Democratic National Committee probably guessed that Gwyneth Paltrow would need a way to feel superior even at her own dinner party, so they offered two ticket prices; one for the low-class poors and one that costs 32 times more for Gwyneth.

This will be the second time Martha’s favorite movie star has hosted a fundraiser for President Obama, the first was held during his re-election campaign in 2012. Which makes me wonder…what did Obama do to deserve such punishment? My Dinner with Goopy – TWICE?? Once would be enough for you to swear off dinner parties forever. At least he’s got a whole month to think of a convincing excuse why he can’t go. Here, I’ve already got some ready for him: you’re on an all-McDonalds diet, you’re allergic to kale water, you need to stay home and practice making your bed.

Meanwhile, Michelle Obama can just send Goopy this gif and be like “Just pretend I was there.”

Pic: Splash