Category: Grammys
Her Majesty Beyonce Just Became The Most Grammy-Nominated Woman Of All Time
The 2015 Grammy nominations are being announced verrrrry slowly today (for real, they decided to drag this shit out till tonight), but from the nominations that have been released so far, we know that popular singing human Beyonce has been nominated for the following: Best R&B Performance and Best R&B Song for “Drunk In Love”, Best Urban Contemporary Album and Best Surround Sound Album for the secret iTunes album that almost broke the internet, and Best Music Film for Beyonce & Jay Z: On The Run Tour. They still have yet to announce the nominations for Album Of The Year, Performer Of All Time, and Queen Of Everything, but one can assume Beyonce will be nominated for those as well.
But even if she doesn’t get nominated for Album Of The Year (“HA! That’s cute” said Beyonce, as she finalized the blue prints for her newest trophy room at Lacefront Manor), the Huffington Post says the 5 she got today brings her total Grammy nominations up to 51, surpassing Dolly Parton’s 46, and making her the most Grammy-nominated woman of all time. Currently the most Grammy-nominated man of all time is Quincy Jones with 79, but don’t worry – I’m sure Beyonce will find a way to release several albums under the name “Ben Yonce” and break that record too.
Of course, there were other people nominated for Grammy Awards today besides Beyonce (in Beyonce’s house, they call those people “future losers”). Sam Smith also got 5 nominations, Iggy Azalea got 4, including Best Rap Album (oh boy, here we go again), Tay Tay Butterscotch Sundae got 3.
Who Needs A Grammy Nomination When You’ve Got Santa’s Crotch To Twerk On?
The Grammy nominations were announced last night and it might be safe for you to watch that shit show in January without attacking the TV with a tongue scraper every time Miley Cyrus pops up on the screen, because she might not be there since she didn’t get not a one nomination. Katy Perry was nominated for her cover of Sara Barillapasta’s (it’s Saturday, don’t make me Google for the correct spelling of her name) “Brave,” Sara Barillapasta was nominated for the original version of “Roar” and Illuminati kingpin and temporary vegan Jay-Z led the nominations with 9. Miley’s album “Finger Bangerz” was released after the cut-off date, but “Wrecking Ball” and “We Can’t Stop” both came out before the cut-off date. Bitch got snubbed!
As the nominations were announced live during that stupid ass Grammy Nominations Concert last night, Miley ruined Christmas for the children when she gave them a ho ho ho show at KISS FM’s Jingle Ball in L.A. My thoughts and prayers are with the parents whose youngins were there last night and are now singing, “I saw Miley butt fucking Santa Claus.” I don’t know if Miley is passing her butt critters to Bad Santa or Bad Santa’s passing his reindeer fleas to Miley or a little of both. For some of us, looking at these pictures are about as pleasant as watching a drunken hobo in a Santa hat jerk his candy cane off while lying against a wall on the Bowery (Correction: I’ve actually seen that on the subway before and it was more pleasant than these pictures), but these are pretty wholesome in the Cyrus world. If you Photoshopped Billy Ray’s face over that Bad Santa’s face and replaced that drankin’ bag with a jug of moonshine, these would look exactly like pictures out of the Cyrus family holiday album.
And back to the Grammys… Justin Timberlake may be the outcast of Hollywood, but he’s still the Homecoming Queen of the Grammys. Justin got 7 nominations as did Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Kendrick Lamar. Lorde got a bunch of noms, but ho didn’t make it into the Best New Artist category. You can see all of the nominations here, but you should really read them while crouching under a steady surface, because once Kanye finds out that he was locked out of some of the major categories, his throbbing ego will explode and the earth will shake. Also, La Vampy didn’t get one nomination! We must RAGE!
