Gabriel Aubry Is Putting His Career On Pause For Halle Berry

Seen here wearing an old costume from a community theater production of Dracula at the Annual Costume Designers Guild Awards in Beverly Hills last night, Halle Berry is getting ready to pack up the crazy and drag her Lion King baby all the way to New York to shoot a few scenes for the movie New Year’s Eve. This is the same movie that Halle dropped out of because Gabriel Aubry didn’t want to travel for her job anymore. But Halle took another role in the movie after a judge ruled that she can take Nahla to NYC. Gabriel is coming too, but he’s not exactly farting out bubbles of happiness over it. That’s what a “source” tells Radar.

The source says that Gabriel has taken out a 2-month lease for a NYC apartment so that he can care for Nahla while Halle is on set. Gabriel is going to be making a pretty boy pouty face the entire time, because he has put his career on hold so that Halle can do this shit. The source explains, “He has put his career temporarily on ice, cancelled a couple of projects he had booked, and plans on concentrating full time on being with Nahla. The agreement at the moment is that Gabriel will be primary caregiver to Nahla during the time Halle is working, but nothing is set in stone, or agreed in writing, so we will have to just see how that goes. He really wanted Nahla to stay behind in LA with him while Halle went to New York, but she wouldn’t allow that, so he is uprooting and moving there to be with her.”

Slap me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Gabriel write “WORLD CLASS SUPERMODEL/sperm donor/devastatingly gorgeous man piece” under occupation on his tax forms? If that’s the case, then he’s obviously making a major sacrifice by temporarily moving to NYC. You know, because everybody knows that NYC is the worst place for models. Real life is like Models, Inc. All the major modeling jobs are in Los Angeles. Oh, how I miss Models Inc.

Gabriel is crazy for bitching about caring for his daughter in a fancy NYC apartment for two months. And Halle is crazy for causing this drama so that she can take a small role in the damn sequel to Valentine’s Day! Crazy bitches, the both of ’em.

Halle Berry And Gabriel Aubry Have Put Down Their Shanks

The “He said (‘she’s a jealous bitch with the middle name CRAZY’), She said (‘he’s a racist child abuser’)” battle between Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry has been put to bed for now. It all started when Halle issued a statement saying that she didn’t trust her daughter Nahla around Gabriel. Then an explosion of messy shit flew all over the place and “unnamed sources” from each side put their fightin’ words on stage. But now Radar is saying Halle and Gabriel have both cooled their overheated anuses in a punch bowl full of ice cubes and have agreed to act like reasonable adults.

Another one of those unnamed sources tells Radar that Halle realized that the only mess she wants to be known for creating is Catwoman, so she will not try to get sole physical custody of Nahla and is going to try to play as nice as possible from now on. Halle and Gabriel are now speaking to each other instead putting on their “unnamed source” masks and talking to the media. The source went on to say, “Gabriel and Halle even resumed talking again last week, and it seems that Halle is going to be making it easier for Gabriel to spend time with Nahla, which has been a sticking point between the two up till now. Hopefully this is the start of the two of them being able to form some kind of workable co-parenting relationship for the sake of their daughter. Halle is determined to do whatever is best for Nahla.”

This sucks for those of us who lick on messy drama like it’s covered in penis veins, but this is good news for Nahla who was thisclose to getting snatched by Zazu and taken to the pride lands to be raised by some sensible hos for a change. Oh, well. At least we can always count on Mad Mel and OctoSana to keep the fuckery levels high.

Halle Berry Believes In The “One-Drop Rule”

Aaaand we’re back to wading through this mess of insanity and fuckery again. Several sources have already branded Gabriel Aubry as the winner of Miss Aryan Nation 2010 by saying he flips his white hood whenever somebody refers to his daughter Nahla as black. If these sources are telling the truth, then I guess Gabriel’s inner David Duke is raging like all hell this morning, because Halle Berry believes that Nahla is black. In case you’re not keeping track of what Nahla checks as race on the Census, she’s technically 25% black and 75% white.

In the March issue of Essence magazine (via TMZ), Halle gives a subtle “fuck you” to the rumors that Gabriel thinks his daughter is white by saying that Nahla is black. Halle said, “I feel she’s Black. I’m Black and I’m her mother, and I believe in the one-drop theory.”

The definition of the one-drop theory from Wiki:

The one-drop rule was put into law in the twentieth century, for instance in Virginia under the Racial Integrity Act of 1924 (following the passage of similar laws in numerous other states). Despite the strictures of slavery, in the antebellum years free people could have up to one-eighth to one-quarter African ancestry (depending on the state) and be considered legally white.[2] Community acceptance, carrying out community responsibilities, and appearance were often the most important factors if a person’s racial status were questioned.

We can argue about the “She’s black! She’s white!” mess all day long. There will always be people shouting that she’s white. There will always be people shouting that she’s black. There will always be people shouting that she’s bi-racial. And there will always be people shouting that she’s full lioness (include me in this group). Whatever. Being bi-racial myself, when people ask me what I am, I just tell them I’m 100% cunt slut. It keeps things simple.

Meanwhile, Gabriel and Halle need to go back to their padded room and scratch at each other about this issue some more. Make sure you blare “Black or White” through the speakers while they do that. Because if they keep fighting about this shit, Nahla is truly going to be full fucked up.

Don’t Call Gabriel Aubry’s Daughter Black

The campaign to make Gabriel Aubry look like the official face of the KKK’s line of tighty whiteys is in full swing. Gabriel has already been accused of calling Halle a racial slur and making derogatory statements about black people in the past, and now one of TMZ’s sources is saying that he turns into a flaming cross of racist fire whenever anyone calls his daughter “black.” Gabriel thinks that Nahla, who is 1/4 black, is a white girl and should be addressed as such. Are Mel Gibson and OctoSana co-writing this saga, because what in the name of Miss Sophia’s fist is going on?

The source is saying that Gabriel would scream at Halle to ask for a retraction any time a magazine or newspaper or some kind of other media outlet referred to Nahla as being black. Gabriel would go into his “SHE’S WHITE! SHE’S WHITE!” rant before styling his locks to go with the white-loving dunce cap on his head.

Team Halle really needs to take their foot off the gas and back up a little bit. The “N” word thing went far, but now they’re practically making him sound like he fell out of an Alex Haley novel. I’m not saying that I don’t think it’s possible for the fame whore virus in Gabriel’s system to trump his David Duke gene, but Team Halle should pace themselves a bit. What’s next? Photoshopped pictures of Gabriel in a KKK robe? Hopefully, they make those pictures semi-believable by making the eye holes in his hood extra-extra large. There’s no way Gabriel would ever want to hide his purdy face. Because ho’s vain gene beats all.

Losing Nahla ’11: And It’s Getting Even Messier

Let’s recap: Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry are still choking each other out in the press…while looking devastatingly gorgeous of course. Halle’s side claims that Gabriel is a glass of freshly squeezed gold digging juice garnished with a stick of racial slurring and a splash of creme de la crazy. Gabriel’s side claims Gothika was mostly autobiographical, because Halle’s crazy is so potent that it could knock the beat wig right off of Penelope Cruz’s head (damn, that shit on Penny’s head was ratty). And today, there’s a whole new set of wonderful allegations that will make for charming fodder between Nahla and her toddler therapist in a couple of weeks. On to it!

From People: Team Berry says that Halle got mad when Gabriel started dating amateur porn star and role model to our youth Kim Kardashian, because she didn’t want a reality star in her daughter’s life. Meaning Halle was afraid that the cameras that constantly follow Kim would catch her daughter and she’d end up on TV. Yes, because Nahla can sign her own releases. However, Team Aubry says that Nahla never laid eyes on the twin warthogs clinging to Kim’s ass.
1 point for Team Aubry

From TMZ: One of Gabriel’s ex-girlfriends has put a white cone on his head by saying that he’s bi-racist and always used racial slurs against black people. Gabriel’s ex, who dated him for 2 years, says he never beat her ass, but he treated women like shit.
2 points for Team Berry

From TMZ: Team Berry is going hard on this one. Sources close to Halle have added possible “child abuse allegations” to Gabriel’s rap sheet by saying that Nahla always hysterically cries when he picks her up for visits. Halle constantly has a “something in the milk ain’t clean” moment whenever she sees Nahla with Gabriel. Nahla seems scared of her own father and Halle thinks something wrong is going down. The child touching and/or child whoopin’ seed has been planted.
1 point for Team Berry

From Radar: Because this whole disaster is the second coming of OctoSana & Mad Mel, Team Gabriel says he has recorded tapes of Halle RAGING at him in her crazy bitch voice. Team Gabriel says that since he’s an upstanding moral man of integrity (served on a bed of lukewarm sarcasm noodles), he’s not going to release the tapes to the media. Gabriel is saving them just in case shit gets really real REAL in their custody fight.
1 point for Team Aubry

From Radar: So much for that “no leaking” rule. Radar magically got a hold of an e-mail Halle allegedly sent to Gabriel during one of her jealous meltdowns. Halle’s e-mail reads, “You were only good for one thing…Thanks for the donation.” Hey, that’s the same thank you note I get in the mail whenever I put a dollar in the tithing basket at my mom’s Catholic church. Team Gabriel also adds that he did call Halle a “fucking bitch” when she “provoked” him, but he’s never thrown a racial slur at her. In fact, Team Gabriel swears that he kept calm and quiet whenever she screamed at him on the phone.
1 point for Team Aubry

Now let’s tally up the points:

Team Berry: 3 points
Team Aubry: 3 points
Team Nahla: -1,235,876,987 points

Gabriel Aubry Is A Racial Slurring Monster, So Says Halle Berry

Blaming each other in the press? Check. Leaking stories that make the other ho sound like a graduate of the Teen Mom School of Parenting? Check. Ho shit? Check. Enough crazy to power Michele Bachmann’s eyes for years? Check. Racial slurs? Check. It’s official! We’re a Jacuzzi cum shot away from getting a modeling agency remake of Octosana vs. Mad Mel starring Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry. Gabriel and Halle have both released their own statements about their ugly ass custody battle now, and now it’s time for those ESCANDALOSO details to start leaking.

In this week’s People cover story, a source close to Halle claims after she broke up with Gabriel, he constantly verbally abused her and called her the “N” word at least once. Gabriel’s former business partner Stephane Bibeau has slid into Halle’s side and says, “Once they broke up he became verbally threatening to Halle. He is a vindictive guy.” This is on top of Halle’s friends portraying Gabriel as a jealous crazy who shouldn’t be in charge of stirring the top oil into the bath scrub, let alone taking care of a human child.

A different source echoes this mess to TMZ. Gabriel not only attacked Halle with fighting words in person, but he also sent her text messages that started with, “You fucking bitch….” TMZ also interviewed one of Gabriel’s ex-pieces who says that he’s always been gold digging, man whoring, piece of shit.

Meanwhile, one of Gabriel’s friends still stand by their story that he’s a devoted father and Halle’s the real insane ragemonster in that family.

Santo dios. This is messier than Halle’s scalp after shooting B*A*P*S. There’s a good chance Halle is trying to smear Gabriel’s purdy face with shit covered lies. Just like there’s a good chance Gabriel is trying to do the same thing to Halle. We might not agree on that theory, but it’s safe to say that we do agree that both of these bitches are crazy as all hell!

I knew Halle had a tinge of insanity in her when she talked about the time she tried to commit suicide by sitting in a running car in her garage. I didn’t think she was crazy because she thought of suicide at a low point in her life. No. I thought she was crazy, because she says she put her dogs in the car too! This isn’t Jonestown! You don’t need to take your dogs down with you. Damn. “You know All Dog’s Go To Heaven is just a movie, right?” – Halle’s dogs while sitting in the car with her

At this point, Nahla would really be better off being raised by a mandrill and a hornbill. Halle and Gabriel are both beautiful on the inside, but they’re also both a bright shade of NUTS on the inside.