There’s No Way Ronan Farrow Can Be Frank Sinatra’s Son, So Says Tina Sinatra

All the way back in the olden days of 2013, Mia Farrow casually said in a Vanity Fair profile that it’s possible that her son Ronan Farrow was made with Frank Sinatra’s blue-eyed jizz fish. Ronan joked about it, but never denied it and who can blame him? If Woody Allen was your father, you would want everyone to think that anyone and anything (examples: a fly nibbling on a roadkill carcass, a cut-short turd out of a hyena’s ass, KFed) except for Woody Allen could be your dad. Frank Sinatra’s widow wasn’t buying it and publicly shat on that rumor. Now almost two years later, Frank Sinatra’s youngest child Tina Sinatra is saying that it’s impossible for Ronan Farrow to be her half-brother. Maury Povich just shuffled off to a corner and melted into a mound of woe, because he’s always wanted to say the words “Frank Sinatra IS the father.”

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Frank Sinatra’s Widow Refuses To Believe That His Man Chowder Made Ronan Farrow

Seen above getting choked with a pearl necklace by Frank Sinatra in a stunning Glamour Shots photo shoot, Lady Blue Eyes is spitting on Mia Farrow’s claim that Ronan Farrow probably, most likely has Sinatra DNA instead of Woody Allen DNA. Mia Farrow made hos everywhere scream, “the hell didn’t I see this before?“, when she told Vanity Fair that Frank Sinatra is probably her son Ronan’s biological father. Frank and Barbara Sinatra married in 1978, and Ronan Farrow was born in 1987, so if he is the father, then he cheated on her by passing his raw 70-something peen to Mia. Mia Farrow was with Woody Allen at the time. But Frank’s glamorous goddess of a widow Barbara Sinatra isn’t hearing any of that shit. Palm Spring’s Desert Sun called 85-year-old Barbara and asked her about this escandalosoness. Barbara refuses to believe.

“I can’t hardly believe that. It’s just a bunch of junk. There’s always junk written — lies that aren’t true.”

Woody Allen’s spokeswhore called the VF article “fictitious and extravagantly absurd that he is not going to comment.”

Sorry, Lady Blue Eyes, but this proof is in the FACE!

Of course Barbara is going to play the deny card. If Ronan really is Frank Sinatra’s son, then that means he can possibly get his hands on some of that Sinatra money. Not that he would, but Barbara can’t be too safe. Barbara is way too old and way too glamorous to be fighting for money in some fluorescent-lit court room. That will screw with Barbara’s day of driving her 2005 bright white Cadillac de Ville (with custom champagne-colored leather seats and gold accents) to the Rancho Mirage Country Club to sip martinis while her pet Bichon slowly dies of heat stroke at her feet. Deny it, Barbara! Deny it! (But if a court battle ever happens, I bet she’d show up in her old Bill Blass suits and kill all those bitches with glamour.)

Ronan Farrow Is Totally Frank Sinatra’s Son

On the left is a young Frank Sinatra, in the middle is his almost face twin Ronan Farrow and on the right is a teenage Woody Allen with an Eddie Munster pompadour. Everyone thought the dude on the right made the dude in the middle with Mia Farrow, but during an interview about her life in Vanity Fair, Mia said that there’s a possibility that Frank’s ole blue-eyed sperm got into her ovary egg and made Ronan. Can somebody please get expert psychic and spirit whisperer Sylvia Browne to tell Frank Sinatra’s ghost that he IS the father? via VF:

Farrow discusses her relationship with Frank Sinatra, telling Orth that Sinatra was the great love of her life, and says, “We never really split up.” When asked point-blank if her biological son with Woody Allen, Ronan Farrow, may actually be the son of Frank Sinatra, Farrow answers, “Possibly.” No DNA tests have been done. When Orth asks Nancy Sinatra Jr. about Ronan’s being treated as if he were a member of her family, Sinatra answers in an e-mail, “He is a big part of us, and we are blessed to have him in our lives.”

Ronan Farrow is 25 years old, so if Frank Sinatra is the father then he still had it when he was in his early 70s.

Ronan responded on Twitter with this perfect tweet:

Listen, we’re all *possibly* Frank Sinatra’s son.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) October 2, 2013

If Mia and Ronan really want to find out, they don’t need to bother with Maury or DNA tests or whatever. Ava Gardner once said that Frank Sinatra “only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock.” So, there’s only one real way to find out. Whip it out and throw it on the scale, Ronan!

And I don’t know how Ronan really feels about this… Because now that Woody Allen knows that Ronan probably isn’t his biological son, he’s going to try to fuck him.