There’s No Way Ronan Farrow Can Be Frank Sinatra’s Son, So Says Tina Sinatra

April 2, 2015 / Posted by:

All the way back in the olden days of 2013, Mia Farrow casually said in a Vanity Fair profile that it’s possible that her son Ronan Farrow was made with Frank Sinatra’s blue-eyed jizz fish. Ronan joked about it, but never denied it and who can blame him? If Woody Allen was your father, you would want everyone to think that anyone and anything (examples: a fly nibbling on a roadkill carcass, a cut-short turd out of a hyena’s ass, KFed) except for Woody Allen could be your dad. Frank Sinatra’s widow wasn’t buying it and publicly shat on that rumor. Now almost two years later, Frank Sinatra’s youngest child Tina Sinatra is saying that it’s impossible for Ronan Farrow to be her half-brother. Maury Povich just shuffled off to a corner and melted into a mound of woe, because he’s always wanted to say the words “Frank Sinatra IS the father.

At the after-party for HBO’s 2-part Frank Sinatra documentary, which airs on Sunday and Monday, Roger Friedman of Showbiz 411 brought up the Ronan Farrow rumor to Tina Sinatra and she cackled it away. Tina says that Frank got snipped before Ronan was conceived.

“Couldn’t be,” Tina told me. “Frank had a vasectomy before that. I don’t know whose son Ronan is.” Mia Farrow had been invited to the dinner but was a no-show. Tina added that Ronan looks “just like Mia’s late brother.”

Frank’s other daughter Nancy Sinatra isn’t laughing along with Tina. Nancy told CBS Sunday Morning that the rumor about Ronan being her dad’s son isn’t not funny and it affected her children. Nancy said that she threw a “Bitch, really?” side-eye at Mia for making that joke.

“I was kind of cranky with Mia for even saying, ‘Possibly.’ I was cranky with her for saying that because she knew better, you know, she really did. But she was making a joke! And it was taken very serious and was just silly, stupid.”

After doing some comprehensive research for this story (aka a 2 second search on Dr. Oz’s site), I learned that it’s possible for a dude to shoot a baby into a chick’s uterus after getting the snip. It’s unlikely, but possible. It’s even more possible if you’re Frank Sinatra. Apparently, Frank Sinatra’s dick was so big that if he took a dick pic today, he’d have to use panorama mode. His dick probably could’ve put the Hammaconda in a chokehold. Because Frank’s dick was longer than a football field, I’m sure it took his sperm fishes a long time to exit the slit. Some of them had to stop halfway to rest. Other jizz fishes stood on the sidelines where they handed out tiny Gatorades to their fellow sperm who huffed and puffed while trying to make it to the end.

What I’m saying is that even after he had the snip, there might’ve been some sperm hanging out at the back of his dick, because they just weren’t ready to make the long journey out. They had to eat a few more orange slices, do a few more sit-ups and build up their strength. It’s kind of like when you turn off a garden hose (which is much shorter than Frank’s dick) and water still comes out of it seconds later. So maybe Ronan Farrow was made with one of Frank’s straggler sperms? It IS scientifically possible!

And here’s Tina working a pair of hot Sam & Libby sandals at the premiere of that HBO documentary in NYC.


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